Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 26: Deal with it later.

Phiwokuhle's POV

After that embarrassing break down I had, yes I call it embarrassing cause I've never broken down in front of my parents only my mom. I wipe my tears and snot with the tissue. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asks, his tone is what...sad. Is he sad about what happened to me? "You weren't going to believe me." I answer.

"I was, you my daughter. I wouldn't expect you to lie about such a big thing let alone accuse my best friend." he says. "So you believe me?" I ask.  "I do and i wish you told me sooner." His tone now is changing and it sounds like his angry or mad. "So what are you going to do?" "I'll call him here and teach him a lesson. I need you to pretend like you don't know anything." I nod.

"Can I go?" I ask. "It's fine." I stand up and walk to my bedroom. I get inside my room and let out a breath I've been holding since I walked into that office. I still can't process what happened. It's not registering in my mind and I'm having a hard time processing everything he just said.

He said he believes me? He believes me and i thought he wouldn't hence I kept quiet for six  years. Six whole years I've been suffering in silence because I thought he wouldn't believe me. Six whole years I was in a dark hole and thinking I deserve this because of being scared of my dad's reaction. Six years later I'm here and i just feel numb.

I don't feel anything about this. I'm not happy, I'm not sad neither am I mad, I'm just numb. It doesn't change anything now does it? It wasn't going to change anything anyways cause I still would have endured abuse from my dad. I would still be this child with issues its just minus molesting. My trust in men is zero and i honestly don't care what my father does to him. I just don't care.

I just wish the same way my mom was quick to tell him about the molesting was the same way she told her parents about the abuse. Double standards on another level. I climb on my bed and cover myself with a blanket and try to sleep to avoid thinking. Sleep is my escapism and it always works for a short period of time until I have to face reality again.

£

I feel my body being shaken by someone. "If you don't get out of my room I'll kill you." I mumble. "Phiwokuhle wake up." says mom. I hope she didn't hear what i said. "What ma?" "Come eat." "I'm not hungry." "Please." "No ma don't shove food down my throat." "Askies. Can we talk."(Sorry.)

"What do you want to say?" I ask. "Sit up and look at me." she says. I sit up and stretch my arms and legs. The sun has already set and the curtains are closed. I check the time on my phone and it's 18:49. "I'm sorry." "For forcing me to tell dad." "No I will never be sorry about that cause it's the best thing we've done." I scoff.

"Watch your attitude." she says. "Askies." I mumble. I don't even mean that apology. It's not the best thing to happen that I told dad. It doesn't make much of a difference anymore. "I'm sorry for not being able to protect you from that monster. I'm sorry for the pain he caused you and I'm sorry for letting him hurt you." I sigh.

I don't feel like having to deal with someone's apology cause it doesn't change anything. It happened and it's still going to happen its just this time it will be worse. No matter what they say no matter what they do things will never change. I'm just over it at this point. They just want to pull me in this dark hole and make me get distracted.

"Its not your fault ma." I say. Even my voice sounds cold. "It is.." "Ma please don't blame yourself. The only person that needs to be blamed is that monster." She sighs. "I wish you told me he threatened you." I shrug. "What difference does it make?" "Your dad will get rid of him." "Mmm."