Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 27: Cutting ties.

Kwenzokuhle's POV

I drop the phone and sigh. I wish I can find a way to be there for her. I know when Monday comes this thing will be in the past and she will try by all means to shove it at the back of her mind. I don't blame her I would to if I was ever in such a situation like that. But I know its not healthy and i know I won't be able to convince her cause she seems like the type that once their mind is made up it will stay that way.

I hope her family supports her in everyway possible because she needs all the support she can get from people close to her. I'm also glad she talked to Ayesha about the whole thing cause I didn't want to distance myself because of Ayesha being jealous over something that's not there.

I felt offended to say the least when Ayesha confronted me but I didn't put a fight because I see where it was coming from. I just wished she talked to Phiwo first before coming to me and call me out on it. I'm trying to be a friend and I'll never ever pursue Phiwo. We shall be good friends that's it best friends at most which we are now I think.

I get up and close the curtains and go downstairs. I get to the kitchen and i wish to just turn around and pretend like I didn't see anything. My brothers are here and they laughing with mom. Nhlakanipho sees me and greets. "Uright?" he asks. (Are you okay?) "Ngiyaphila wena." (I'm good and you.) "Nami ngiyaphila. Where's my niece?" (I'm good.)

"She's gone to visit her grandmother." he answers and i nod. "Hawu Kwenzo you not going to greet." asks Nkanyiso. "I was. Unjani?" I ask. "Ngiyaphila." "Mmm." Things just became akward when I entered the kitchen. I know when I'm not wanted so it's best I distance myself. I go to the fridge and take a bottle of water and go upstairs.

They can continue playing happy family when I'm not around. I sit on the bed and scroll through Instragram. I have like close to a thousand followers and most of the people I follow are from school and my cousins and friends. My phone is so boring and the house is more boring seeing as though my brothers are here.

I don't know when we will fix things but I guess never seeing as though neither of us are willing to make the first move. I wish to go to back to way things were before the whole drama happened. Before Dylan introduced me to this life and taught me life isn't always black and white. I think I need to journal down my thoughts.

I like writing. It calms me down and brings a sense of comfort. I don't journal everyday but once in a while when my feelings become too much for me to handle. It helps my mind relax and once I'm done writing how I feel I get a clear sense of direction on where to go next. I think I need to start making some life changing decisions. I can't keep living like this it's not healthy.

I take my journal from my closet and i go and sit at my study table. I open a clean fresh page and start expressing my thoughts.

April 2023
17:23
Wednesday

Dear diary

-I wish things were the same as they were. I know the only way to fulfill my wishes is to start taking some steps in order to change my life and hopefully make it the same or even better. I know I ruined the trust between me and my brothers but for how long will i be crucified for? I learnt my mistakes but it's not enough for them. I want to sit down and ask them what can I do but I have too much pride. Sometimes I feel like they should make the first move seeing as though they are older but sometimes I'm like I should do it since I'm the one at fault.