Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 56: Alone.

Phiwokuhle's POV

"And I need you to get it through your very thick skull that I'm not leaving. I don't care about the amount of problems you face or deal with on a daily basis. I love you and I'm willing to be there for you every step of the way. You were also there when my parents couldn't accept me and you were there when I told you about some of my experiences and not once did you judge me. So allow me to be there for you too on this one." says Ayesha. She's still not budging. I don't know what language to talk at this point.

"Am i worth it though Ayesha? All the stress, the frustration you will face because I'm not willing to be open. Ayesha this could take a toll on our relationship as a whole and i don't want that. I hate the fact that now you have to become a shoulder to cry on instead of a girlfriend." I say. "Yes you are worth it. I need you to understand that. I don't care that we will face problems but as long as I'm there for you I feel like we will be okay." she says.

"Give me time to think about it." I say. "You and i are not breaking up. I don't care what you say or what other people say we are staying together." she says and i fight the urge to smile. I love how she is willing to fight for me and she sees the light that I don't see and she wants to be there for me in every way. Maybe I might have been irrational with me wanting to end things with her but I thought that it's what's best for us.

But it seems like she won't let go of me anytime soon and i need to accept that. "Can we continue with cleaning." I whisper. "It's okay." she says and she removes her arms around my waist and we continue with the chores silently while listening to our playlist. Usually music makes me feel better in any situation but now it doesn't. Everything reminds me of that incident and i try to block it out but it doesn't work.

We finish cleaning and we go sit in the living room and cuddle with each other and she kisses my forehead. I missed this I won't lie. "How did you write?" she asks. "Fine." I answer. "Aren't you going to ask me how I wrote?" "How did you write?" "I wasn't okay after everything happened because I kept thinking about you and wondered if you are okay and if you managing but then I told myself I need to pass so I tried burying everything until I was done."

"Did it work?" I ask. "It didn't work so my parents had to be there so I never felt alone." she answers. "Did you tell them about my situation?" "Yes I did." "Why though because now they going to look at me with eyes filled with pity and i don't want that." "They won't." "Ayesha you didn't get raped so you don't understand. I already deal with it at home and now I must deal with it too when I come and visit."

"I know that I didn't, but I almost became a victim too and i understand how it feels like to not want anyone to look at you with pity. They won't make you feel different because of what happened to you." she says. "You just don't understand don't you." I say. "Sthandwa yehlisa umoya. I'm sorry I told them before I asked for your permission but I needed someone to be there and it had to be them." (My love calm down.)

"Take me home." I say. "We were.." "I said take me home Ayesha dammit." "Okay it's fine we can go." We stand up and leave. She unlocks her car and i get in the back seat. "Please come join me here." "Ayesha just leave me alone." She sighs. "I'm sorry." She brings the ignition to life and drives off. We pass by the garage and fill up the tank then we go home.

She parks her car on my pavement and i attempt to leave but she locks the doors. "Ayesha I want to go." I say. "I'm sorry for telling my parents and i see my mistake please forgive me." she says. "You know how embarrassing it is to have everyone know your dirty laundry. The teachers at school gave me the looks of pity and then it was you guys."