𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 / 𝘛𝘖𝘔 𝘒𝘈𝘜𝘓𝘐𝘛𝘡

it hurts

It's been a couple days

I barely moved at all to tell the truth
Bill did get a hold of tom and got the whole story but then again I wasn't gonna steal bill from tom over some girl

"Babe you need to get up" Bill softly said sitting next to the bed like tom would in the mornings

"No" I whispered into a puddle of tears I was making in the pillow
"You haven't eaten or showered" Bill said concerned

I didn't reply

"You know what" Bill smiles to himself
"I'm dragging you on tour with us" He clapped his hands standing up making me look up from my pillow
"You what?" I asked sitting up
"You heard me and you have no choice but to do it" Bill excitedly said walking out of the room

Shit

I slowly got up heading for the shower to take one then put on my makeup and did my hair and put my outfit on getting ready to ship off with bill

"I didn't agree to this bill" I whined grabbing my purse
"No but T did for you so it should be enough" I give T a side eye and roll my eyes
"Don't worry i'll make sure no one comes to steal your house" T said making herself at home as she plopped on my couch

I nodded walking out following bill to the tour bus that was about to leave

"We have an interview in a couple of hours" Bill said as gorge was stealing food from gustav starting an argument

"What?" I asked squinting as the sun beamed in the side window
"Everyone knows you anyways" Bill replied
"What do you mean?" I asked confused
"Just wait" He replied

-----------------

"Welcoming our guest Tokio Hotel!!" The interviewer yelled as everyone started to clap

I followed behind bill as he was leading the way
We all sat on the couches next to the desk

"How are you guys, you look great" The interviewer said eyeing me
"And who are you?" He added putting his hand out for me to shake
"Don't mind me I'm just touring with the boys" I smiled letting go of his hand
"Of course we mind! After all it's Tokio hotel" He replied smiling making the crowed cheer loud
"And actually we have a surprise guest we didn't think would be able to show" He added making us all confused

Tom walked on stage catching my eye quickly before looking at the crowed waving and shaking the guys hand

He sat right by me
Like there wasn't any other fucking seat

I shifted a little closer to bill

"I didn't actually think I was gonna be able
to make it but I'm glad I did" Tom smiles looking over at bill making bills face light up along with george and gustav
"Any new albums recording?" The interviewer asks smiling at the boys
"Of course of course I miss being on tour being with the people who got me here" Bill smiled point at the crowed
"Is this young lady in any of them?" He asks removing me from my thoughts and looking up
"Hm?" I ask
"Oh no she's just a big support" Bill said with a big smile on his face
"I can see" The interview said
"It's a very nice top" He added looking down at my chest
"Thank you" I softly said smiling

Tom gave the man a dead stare but quickly quit

"You and your wife do anything special over the weekend" He asked tom making me look back down at my lap

Bill out his hand on my shoulder

"Not much actually" Tom replied trying to keep the conversation short
"When's the kids gonna happen" the guy added
"We're not planning on having any actually" Tom replied smiling at the interviewer

The guy smiled nodding beginning to talk about food

"They actually have a new place opening up down the street and it seems nice" He said nicely
"Yeah i've actually been so excited for it" Bill said excitedly
"Hows everyone's appetite been actually" The guys said looking over at me
"What do you mean?" Tom replied following his eyes

I can't blame him I looked thinner
But on live Tv really?

"I've actually just got done eating a really good sandwich" The guy said looking over at bill now
"I've had some breakfast earlier" Bill smiled
"Us to" Goerge said with gustav agreeing
"What about you mystery girl?" He came back to me looking at me
"Have you eaten" He questions staring at my chest
"Not yet" I said quietly looking up at him
"Maybe you should eat something" He smiles making tom and bill look at me

"You havnt ate anything" Tom looked at me concerned
"Not your business" I replied not looking back
"Your starving yourself lexi" He said more concerned then before
"Guys let's not do this here" Bill said trying to take the attention off me and tom

------------

The interview eventually ended and we all went back in the back

"Lexi wait" tom said a bit loudly rushing over to me
"fuck off tom" I said lowly

He gripped my arm making me turn to him

"WHY GIVE ME AND EXPLANATION was I not enough" I yelled but lowered my voice tearing up leaving him speechless
"No lexi I told you what it was for I miss you and think about you all the time" He quickly says trying to hold back on tears
"No fuck you" I push past him seeing heidi as I walked to bill, Gustav and gorges room feeling myself start tearing up

"FUCK" I scream before even walking into the door as I slid my back against the wall in the hallway catching everyone's attention

I was fucking broken and I wasn't gonna ever be okay again

"Lexi!" Bill rushed out to me

Tom popped around the corner running over to me but I didn't wanna be around him

He was the reason I was a fucking mess
I couldn't eat because of him
I couldnt shower
Get up from bed
I couldn't take care of myself anymore.

I was having The breakdown I needed right now

"I just need a minute" I cried wanting everyone to leave me alone as Cameras rushed back to me

Bill pushed the camera people back as he kept an eye on me

Tom bent down next to me not saying anything

"you ruined me" I whispered into my uncontrollably tears
"Baby I care so much about you.. I'll never forget about you and I think about you all the time It's not real love what me and heidi have it's fake and put on what me and you have is real but behind camera" He said making me turn my head to him

"If it was real tom you would of never left me" I whispered getting up

And with that I pushed myself up walking out of the building

Gasping into the air outside