Survived Me: a Shatter Me fan-fiction (Warnette)

Chapter 11 - Suara

⚠️TW⚠️
Schizophrenia (Major TW)
Hearing voices (Major TW)
Trauma
Losing control
Panic attacks
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JULIETTE'S POV:
It's been two days now since the whole 'rescue mission'. I haven't been doing so well. I'm aching everywhere and the drugs Sebastian gave me are messing with my head. Sometimes I will just drop to the floor, not fully pass out, but I'll go dizzy and my vision goes fuzzy. I have had regular migraines, which means I'm regularly throwing up. (A/N): (She's not pregnant.) I think Aaron is more worried about me than I am, he's stayed with me the whole time. Every time I've thrown up. Every time I've had a nightmare. Every time I have a flashback. He is the only thing keeping me sane.

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We are currently laying in bed, it's 7:30am and he's asleep. I haven't slept in... I don't know how long, I think the last time I slept last night was an hour or so yesterday in the afternoon. I'm just laying here playing with Aaron's golden hair, and I'm not complaining. I know I'll have to wake him up soon though, breakfast is at 8:00am and he hates having to rush, so do I, I thought.

I softly kiss his forehead and then the bridge of his nose. "Aaron," I whisper. He stirs then opens his angelic eyes, my eyes meet his - his eyes meet mine. "Morning sweetheart" he says with a lazy smile. "Did you manage to get any sleep?" He asks, his smile fading and worry covering his beautiful features.

'Lie Juliette. Lie! Otherwise you'll disappoint him, then he'll think you're too much work and leave you!'

There's a voice, what's going on. Since when do I hear voices! I'm scared, but this voice is right. I don't want to worry him and I am too much work! I have to lie.

'Yes... lie, Juliette, lie!'

"I slept a bit" if I'd said I slept all night he would know that it's not true. "Really?" He asks, stroking my eyebrow. "Yes" I simply say. "How long?" Shit. "Erm..." "Why are you lying to me darling?" He pulls me closer into his chest. "I-I erm." I get up and run to the bathroom and shut the door, pushing the lock across.

I slide down the door sobbing, I'm terrified. Who's talking to me? What do they want? Is it Sebastian? I need to tell Aaron...

'That isn't going to happen. I can't allow you to do that!'

(A/N): (When I use the 'example' it means Juliette is saying it in her head the voice, if that makes sense. And obviously 'example' is the voice.)

'Why?' I want to scream and shout but something's stopping me. Or am I screaming already? I can't tell.

'You don't want to find out what'll happen if you do, do you?'

My hands start to shake and my breath is faster than ever. I, only now, can hear Aaron banging on the door. "Juliette, love, what's happening? Are you okay? What's the matter? I can help you." He says. But in this situation I don't know if he can help, for some reason I believe this voice. I don't want to find out what it'll do, or who it'll do it to. I stumble, but I stand up. I unlock the door. "My love." I collapsed into his arms. I'm sobbing and I can hardly breath, my whole body shaking. "Shh, it's okay." He lets me get it all out, he holds me so close. "Look at me, darling." He lifts my face to look into his eyes, those eyes, his eyes. "Breath. Follow my breathing." He says taking multiple deep breaths, I do copy them and my breath becomes less rushed. My body slowly stops shaking. My tears are now just stains on my cheeks. "What happened my love?" I need to make up a lie, quick! "I-I just don't want you to worry about me" he sighs. "My love when you don't tell me and I find you having a panic attack in the bathroom, that worries me." I know he's right...

'No, no, no. I don't think so.'

For some reason... I obey. Why do I obey?

"I know, I'm sorry. I just have been having a harder time sleeping since getting back here. I just want to be treated as normal, you know" now I'm the one lying my ass off, I feel awful! "Sweetheart, I know you're lying to me. When you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here. Until then, I'm right here, by your side - and I will be after you tell me what's wrong." I hate myself for putting walls up, I can't even imagine how concerned he must be. I hate lying but for some reason I feel I must. "Seriously, Aaron, I'm fine." I smile, a fake smile. "Love, I think you're forgetting I can sense emotions." Oh shit! I did forget that!

"Okay... Aaron, listen to me, I can't tell you. You just have to trust me on this one." I say, I can't meet his gaze. "Darling, are you in danger? Is it Sebastian? Is it-" "Aaron, I can't..." I cut him off, I need to get out of here! Now!

I rush out the door, I can't breath, I can't think. I'm running and I have no idea where I'm heading. I just ran.

'run run run
Run Run Run
RUn RUn RUn
RUN RUN RUN'

I just keep going. I burst through the back door and just ran through the freezing weather in nothing but my shorts and tank top. I'm freezing but I can't stop running! I don't know where I am anymore, I must be outside Sector 45, I'm lost... But I still run!

'RUN! RUN! RUN! RUN! LEAVE, FOR EVERYONE ELSE'S SAKE! THE ONLY REASON THEY'RE IN DANGER IS BECAUSE THEY'RE PROTECTING YOU!'

"Shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!" This time I do scream, not just words, but a blood curdling scream as well. 'Who are you? What do you want?' I'm desperate for this thing to leave me alone, to go away! "WHAT'S YOUR NAME!" Now, once again, I'm screaming these things out loud. Luckily there's no sign of life anywhere around, I must have ran miles. I only thought I'd only run for a few minutes. "WHO ARE YOU!"

'My name is Suara' (A/N): (Pronounced: Swar-ra. It has a meaning that will be used later in the story. It means voice in Indonesian.)

'And you will listen to me now, I am not messing around when I say that I will, and can, hurt all the ones you love. So if you refuse to do as I say... well, your little friends will pay the price.'

I don't understand, is this voice real, why do I feel the need to follow its orders. This has to be the doing of Sebastian, what kind of drugs did he give me?
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Word count: 1168