Saving You

III

P.o.v. Marima:

       Chaotic night. Completely fucking chaotic. 

       When we got there everything looked normal. Me and Patrick talked and since I do not trust any of these girls, we would not drink. I would keep watch on Nudee and Tina, and he would keep watch on Charlotte and P'Engfa. It should have worked perfectly, but these bitches started drinking like crazy. Tina drowned shots like it was water in the desert. Nudee drank a lot of beer. P'Engfa drank more wine than I thought was consumable. Charlotte drank a lot of different cocktails. They did not give a shit about being sober. And we were supposed to keep them safe.

       It started going down the drain when Tina started dancing. At first I thought it was ok because Nudee was also dancing, but then Tina started making out with literally every girl that crossed her way. After this, I don't understand why Patrick is so desperate trying to find Tina a girl, she seems completely capable of doing that herself.

       Patrick called me when he lost Engfa. Charlotte was just enjoying the music but Engfa disappeared suddenly. We both searched for her, but I wish we didn't. We found her making out with Sarah. A Thai-Italian girl. I've met her before, she's not my favourite person, but she's not too bad. The problem was: Charlotte was with us and saw it. I won't say that she was heartbroken, they have just met today, but I really did think that they had a connection, and Charlotte did too. She wanted P'Engfa to come to this party so that they could talk and get to know each other without too many restrictions. She didn't want anything physical with P'Engfa, at least not for now, but she really wanted to spend some time with her.

       Charlotte has been questioning her sexuality for some time, but now she was really getting confused about it. I mean, she has always found girls pretty, and she has always felt drawn to them, but Heidi, who swears she is straight, told her that that didn't make her less straight. No Heidi, just because you want to kiss girls and Charlotte does too it doesn't mean that you are both straight! Maybe the total opposite! It means that I am straight because I don't feel emotionally or physically drawn to women and you two are hiding in a closet you don't even know exists. 

       Heidi grew up in a different community than us. They were more closed minded. She can accept that people are gay, she just feels weird about being gay herself. To be honest, I always knew. I don't doubt that she likes boys, but I know for sure that she likes girls. All that tension  between her and the girls she used to have a crush on does not have any heterosexual explanation. Even the sexual tension between her and Charlotte at some point during our last high school year. It was really weird for me, being friends with the two. Charlotte was curious, but Heidi did have a big fat crush. At that time she even confided in me, but wasn't so happy when I told her it was a crush. It seemed to go away at some point and time has passed, but Heidi is not as straight as she claims to be. I know that for sure.

       With a straight friend and other in so much denial, Charlotte hasn't had the role model, she's still just figuring out her sexuality. And Heidi is definitely not the best help. Telling her that every girl wants to kiss other girls and that's normal, not gay at all, that sometimes everyone feels like it. I don't. I've never wanted to kiss a girl and I've never imagined myself dating a girl. Of course Charlotte would be confused! I really thought Engfa would be her gay awakening or something, but seeing her kiss Sarah was not a great start.

       When we left them alone I saw Tina entering the bathroom with someone. I don't think I know that girl but that's probably not important. What's important is that the time I spent looking for Engfa was enough for Nudee to start twerking, or trying to, on top of a table. These girls are crazy! How am I supposed to keep them controlled? Impossible.