Saving You

XXVIII

P.o.v. Tina:

       - What's your biggest dream? - I ask, as we cuddle on a blanket under the stars.

       - In what way?

       - What do you dream of doing in the future? Where do you imagine yourself in some years, maybe months?

       - I'm not really sure. I think I want to own a business, I'm great at managing things. I want to help my sister too. Maybe create a physiotherapy clinic for Chili to work on… but I don't have money right now, so I shouldn't even think about that yet.

       - You can always dream. If it's something you want, you need to fight for it!

       - I know. I will, but not right now. And you? You told me a lot of times about this dream you're almost achieving in Bangkok, but I don't think I've ever asked you about that, I'm sorry. - She laid on the side so she could look at me better, but I didn't move, I just kept looking at the sky. It looked beautiful. Probably even better because I was with her by my side.

       - I want to open my own bakery. I'm about to. Once I get back to Bangkok it is already scheduled to open. I already bought the space, redecorated it and took care of all the bureaucracy.

       - That's really cool! I can really imagine you owning a bakery and honestly, I already know it'll be a success. Anyone who has tasted anything you bake will agree on that!

       - Thanks Heidi. You know… I would want you to go to the opening… it's gonna be an important day for me, and… you're important too, so… I… I may be overstepping but…

       - Tina, I would love to go. Once… once you go back, just send me a text with the details and I'll do my best to be there, okay? I want to be present in your important moments… you're important too. - I think I forgot how to breathe for a second there. Butterflies in my stomach and my heart so warm I couldn't even look at her. - Nana… are you ok? - She laughed.

       - I'm… sorry. It was just nice hearing that.

       - Come here. - She pulled me to her with one of her arms and gave me a forehead kiss. - You are important. I may not know you for long, but I really like you. It's… it's too soon to admit that but… maybe more than… more than… nevermind. I just really like you, and I want you to never forget that. Whatever happens between us, please don't forget that you mean a lot to me.

       Was she about to tell me that she loves me? No, Tina, you're exaggerating. She just means as a friend. Can I even call us friends right now? We are friends, and we are not lovers, but I don't think I can call us any of them. We're each other's comfort zone. We don't need to label everything, as long as we feel comfortable with it. We kiss, we make out and at some point we'll probably do more than that, we already did more than that, but much more. Still, I've never asked her to be my girlfriend, so I can't consider her as such, even if we do act like that. I don't even know if I'll ever ask her. I'm her first experience with a woman, what if she changes her mind?

       My last relationship was a mess and the way it ended... I don't want to think about that. I don't want Heidi to go through any of that. I know I wasn't the only one at fault but... maybe I did have some of the blame. I don't want Heidi to suffer like he did. Plus, I'm going away, I don't want to leave my girlfriend behind, but do I really want to miss the opportunity of being Heidi's girlfriend?

       She's just… I don't know, and I think she was about to tell me that she loves me. I have told her that before, but it was in a moment where I didn't even think, a moment I just wanted to connect with her after everything that happened between us, and she just told me that she liked me. But then again, I'm important to her, and we have just met, so… that's already something, something really big. I'm important, I mean a lot to her. She's just so… I love her. I'm in love with her.