Saving You

XXIV

P.o.v. Tina:

       I woke up and judging from what I could see with the little light she left on, it's still not morning. I feel the movement on my side and hear the little whimpers coming from the girl who sleeps next to me, cuddled as if her life depended on it, her grip so hard on my arm that it hurts. She's having a nightmare. As much as I try, and even if I really want to, I can't protect her from her own dreams.

       I can only cradle her in my arms and cry with her. I feel so impotent. I can do nothing about the pain she's feeling. I couldn't save her and now she's suffering because of it. If only I could, I would go back in time and take her place. I would change history just for her not to go through what she did, but I cannot, so I just rock her in my arms, kissing her hair and making promises that it'll all be okay one day, even if I don't know it myself. I promise her that the pain she's feeling will go away. That her smile won't have tears behind it. That there will come a day where her heart won't ache anymore. But who am I to promise her things I have no control over? I'll go away and leave her here, who am I to even deserve to be in her life? Who am I to hold her, if I know I'll have to let go?

       I don't sleep for the rest of the night. How could I, knowing that she's in pain? Her nightmare might have ended and she might've slept peacefully for the rest of the night, but just the thought of her having another one without no one to hold her left me awake, just holding her, caressing her and looking at the sleeping beauty I don't understand how I got allowed to sleep next to.

       I got up at half past eight when I started hearing movement. Already knowing the places in the house I went directly to the kitchen, where I calmly and silently prepared pancakes and orange juice with P'Chilli. It feels almost homelike. It's like I almost belong. But I can't get used to the feeling. It'll only be harder to leave if I do.

       She smiles at me from time to time and we work together as if we've done that a hundred times before. How can I say that I should not get attached to her family in order to not make my departure harder when I'm already completely, even desperately, attached to the girl that's sleeping soundly on the bed I just layed on? If I already feel so at home with a family I have just met?

       One by one the other members of Heidi's family start appearing and they all start sitting down eating and talking, as if Heidi is not still asleep. I found it a bit odd and at first I didn't comment but after some time I had to ask about her. I wouldn't let them eat all the pancakes I just prepared expecting her to eat.

       - Hum… - They all looked at me. - Should I go wake Heidi up?

       - If you want to die you can. - Pretty says laughing.

       - She's not a morning person. - Her father chimes in.

       - She'll only wake up at like two in the afternoon or something. - Her mother explains. - She's a night owl. Stays up late and wakes up late.

       - You can try. If she's not in the mood to wake up she'll just fall asleep again. But keep in mind that nothing she says in her half asleep state comes from her heart. She can be a bit… crude. - This time it was P'Chilli and so I took it as a "maybe you'll be lucky".

       I went to her. She's sleeping so peacefully on her bed that I almost don't want to wake her up but, as selfish as that might sound, I want to talk to her before going to work. I want her to, for at least today, not wake up to an empty bed.

       I slowly make my way to her and sit there. For a second I just appreciate her beauty. How can someone look so good just sleeping? I trace her face with my finger, from her big eyes, to her cute nose and her perfect lips. I lower myself and kiss her forehead. I know she likes those. She doesn't wake up, but her hands search for me on the bed, one of them finding my leg. I just pick them and kiss both of them repeatedly. She stirs and half opens her eyes.