Saving You

XXXV

P.o.v. Heidi:

       It's tattoo day. We ended up really choosing the rainbow tattoo because, even if Marima is straight, we decided to call our little group "Rainbow gang". It's a girl thing. Patrick is still part of our group, off course, but the tattoos and the gang will be just between us. He wasn't even mad, he actually found it cute.

       Six out of seven members of the Rainbow gang identity as being part of the lgbtq+ community, Marima is Steve. Our straight best friend that is actually the best ally we could ever ask for and, for some reason, is always surrounded by gays and queer activity. I really don't know how that happened. If I had to guess I would say that it was probably Charlotte's fault. She has known Marima since they were little and while she only recently found out about her sexuality, it has always been there... like mine, and they say queer people usually form little gay groups without even noticing. Maybe that's what happened.

       While for most of them it is just a friendship tattoo, I think for me and Charlotte, maybe even P'Chompoo, it means a bit more than that. P'Chomp knew we were part of the community and still decided to hide herself. Charlotte has been trying to figure out her sexuality for quite a bit now and has just come to terms with it. I was scared of myself and of my feelings my whole life and am now trying to accept something that has been with me since I can remember and that I always rejected and even repulsed. Calling ourselves the rainbow gang and even getting a tattoo on that is also claiming back the parts of our identities that we tried to hide.

       If I told the Heidi from months ago that she would be getting a rainbow tattoo because she found a group, a family, that accepts her just like she is and that she would be kissing a girl so regularly, she would probably laugh and call me crazy. She would lie and tell me that she doesn't like girls that way, but maybe I would be able to find the truth behind the cracks of her mask. This would leave her thinking, questioning, maybe she would have found out sooner than I did. That's just stupid now. It was scary, but I found the best way I could. I had my friends, my family and my Tina to take care of me every step of the way. It was hard but it was the path I needed to follow.

       - You see? It's actually great that I'm not really pregnant or I wouldn't be doing this tattoo with you. - It was actually just a big scare for her this time.

       - Yeah but we missed on the opportunity of having a baby with your and Patrick's genes crawling on your living room floor. How cute would that be!? - Tina commented.

       - And thank gosh we did!

       - Why are you so against it?

       - I'm not against it, I would love to have a baby with Patrick, just not right now.

       - Are you scared of it, or are you not prepared? - P'Chomp asked.

       - I... maybe a bit of the two.

       - It's normal. Most women's bodies get prepared at puberty to grow a whole new person inside of them, and it's still scary to do so. Most women don't feel that they are prepared for that. Even mothers going into labour sometimes. It's more than just a biological thing. The body might be prepared but our minds are not. I know it can be scary, especially if it happens accidentally, but there are solutions. If it's the thought of taking care of a baby that frightens you, you can always give the kid up for adoption, if it's the thought of growing one inside of you, abortion has been legal for roughly two years, hard to get, but legal. It was just a scare this time, if it happens again, you have options, but... there are ways of preventing that from happening too. - P'Chompoo had a whole different vibe while talking about something she probably deals with regularly on her job.