Serenades of Second Chances (BXB)

As long as you're happy

4 days later my mom passed away. A week later on Saturday, we had her memorial and her burial. I stopped going to work, I stopped going to school. I just laid down in Deven's bed all day every day. He didn't complain, he didn't tell me to do anything, he just let me mourn. He never told me to leave, he never told me to go shower, to clean, to do anything. He'd kiss me goodbye in the morning, call me on his breaks, then he'd come home with food and we ate together on his bed and talk or be in silence. He let me cry as much as I needed. He hugged me and told me he loved me. He never told me "It's okay" or "Everything will be alright" because he knew nothing was okay for me. He knew exactly what to do and what not to do.

May didn't understand what we happening, I didn't have the heart to tell me. So on days she didn't go to school, she'd hug me, and we'd watch cartoons on Devens TV. She's spent more days at her aunt's than in her own home, Deven and I decided that would be best for her and me. But on days she was here we'd lay together and watch cartoons, eat snacks, listen to music, and we'd talk about her school.

My professors have been emailing me, asking if I'm okay and if I'm coming back to class. I ask if they can send me the lectures as I won't be there for a while due to a family death. So, they've started recording their lectures and sending them to me. I was thankful.

My friends message me encouragement, saying they're praying for me or their looking forward to seeing me again. They insist on coming over to pull me out of bed to go party, but I tell them no every time and just wait for Deven to get home.

One day on our afternoon calls, when he was on break, he told me I should write about my mom's passing.

"Baby, this is just a suggestion, but what if you write about it? I know what you're going through, and writing helped me. Maybe it could help you mourn, ya know?"

I pause and think. I always write to cope with things, and I'm surprised I haven't done so yet. My mom dying threw me for a loop, my every day has just felt so wrong knowing years of hating her because she didn't love me was false. Our last conversation always played over and over in my head. She said she was proud of me, and she loved me, it hurt to know she passed and we missed so much time together.

"Think about it, Max. I have to go, but I love you. I'll be home soon. How about we cook today? Change the pace."

"Yeah, that sounds nice. Thank you, Dev, I love you."

I could practically see his smile when he told me he loved me back and hung up. I turn over in bed and stare at the ceiling. I sigh sit up, and reach for my laptop on the ground. Once I have it I plug it in and charge it while powering it on. I open Google Docs and start a new document. I stared for a minute, the thoughts about a title running through my head.

"As long as you are happy," I remember my mother saying, I write that down as the title. I remember our last words to each other. "I'm proud of you". I made those words my first lyrics. I wrote about our last day together, about our words, and the wedding. "I love you, son," I mumble under my breath, typing in the lyrics. Tears prick my eyes and I lay back in the bed, my laptop balancing on my knees. I lay my arm on my eyes and wait till I collect my emotions to continue. I have to take numerous breaks. I move from the floor to the bed, to the living room couch, to the bathroom speaking lyrics into my phone. I even went down to the kitchen and got some food while speaking random lyrics into my phone. Things I hadn't done in a while were getting done as I created my lyrics.

I don't know how long I was creating lyrics, but I remember just starting to tune the guitar when Deven walked into the door. He looked at me with surprise, then grinned and held up the Panda Express bag in his hand. I smile back and motion him over. So she took off his shoes and jacket, set down his keys, and joined me on the couch. He unpacked the food while I told him about the song. After I explained he gave me a gentle but exaggerated kiss and waited for me to start tuning the guitar. That night we sat together on the couch and ate while he helped me with the acoustics.

He'd kiss my cheek once in a while, and in return, I'd steal some of his broccoli as pay. He only gets the broccoli because he knows I like it, he doesn't, and in return, he gets to kiss me as much as he wants. It started when May pointed out I stole a piece of broccoli off his plate when he wasn't looking, and he said I had to pay him with a kiss. We were out to dinner and the waitress forgot to put down "no broccoli" on his order. May would laugh every time Deven sloppily kissed my cheek, and I would always grin.

"Do you want this to be an acoustic song only?" He asked, taking chow-main to his mouth.

"I want two versions. Mom liked country music, so one's going to be a bit more southern, and the other will be more me," I say and jot down a note change on my sticky note.

"She liked country music?" He asked and set down his takeout to pick up my notes.

"Yup. She met my dad in the South, they were high school sweethearts, and both had thick Southern accents. They had just given birth to my sister when they moved to the city up north. Dad enlisted in the military, and we traveled a lot because of that, but we stayed pretty close to cities so I never got the southern life. Mom and Dad both bonded over country music, but Mom stopped listening when he passed and she moved on. I feel like it's only right to make her song country style," I put the guitar on the floor stand a pick up my takeout. "And another version of my style because she would want that."

He nods and goes to grab my laptop with the lyrics. I put my hand on his arm and suck in my lip.

"There's some things in there I want to be a surprise."

He grinned and nodded again, then leaned close to me and pecked my forehead.

"I understand. Can I still help you with the music?"

"Yes," I open my food container and find my favorites. Chow main, orange chicken, white rice, and teriyaki chicken. "Have you memorized my order?"

"Maybe," he gives a sly grin.

"Are you trying to gain brownie points?" I ask with a smirk and a raised brow. He laughs.

"Also maybe," he bites back a laugh, but I laugh enough for the both of us.

I grab the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. He wasted no time in deepening the kiss, letting his tongue fight mine, I let him win. I pull back first, but peck his lips one last time before going to the food. I  grab the chopsticks and crack them apart before digging into the orange chicken. I moan at the delicious taste and Deven laughs. I sit my hand at him and continue to shove chicken in my mouth.

The rest of the night we worked on the country song together, playing with our food and sharing gross sloppy kisses that made us laugh. Deven told me to go wash up first while he put the leftovers in the fridge, so I did as he requested. I got upstairs, grabbed some new clothes, and went to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth first, and once I felt my mouth was refreshed I stripped and got into the shower. 5 minutes into the shower Deven decided to join me, and I let him. He got in with me, he washed my hair and I washed him, he kissed me gently while we washed, and we didn't go any further. It was sweet, and caring. I felt love.

I knew my mother was right. He was the one for me.