Serenades of Second Chances (BXB)

Shelly (Tue)

I decided to take a break from the scenery, take my old clothes from Deven's place, and back to my place to wash them and get a new wardrobe. I'm still paying rent, but I'm never there anymore. When I walk in Ronny and the girls are on the couch eating fast food and watching a movie. I forgot it's everyone's day off,  and when that happens it's movie day. They pause the TV, turning to check on me and see how I'm doing. So I gave them a brief update as they followed me around I started washing the clothes from Devens and I packed a new bag.

"You stay over there a lot, why don't you drop out of the lease and live there?" Ronny asks with genuine curiosity.

"One) damages your credit. Two) I feel bad."

"I understand the credit part, but you'll feel bad? Max, we love you, but you're better over there than you are here," Ronny steps fully into my room. "Deven keeps me up to date on everything you know, he keeps all of us up to date on you. He told us about you going to therapy and working on music more. Do you realize how awesome that is?" Ronny grins as he talks. "I'm so freaking proud of you man. You know he sends us pictures of you, like the one of May doing your makeup. I've seen you bright up so much being over there. Let us cover your payments and you move to Devens."

"Ronny, I appreciate it, but I need to talk to Deven about that first of all. I love him, I do, but moving in would be too surreal. I can hardly get my work done, I quit my job, and I can't think about moving right now. I'm going to be releasing songs when I can and finishing classes and work. Yes, I'm going to therapy, I know y'all tell me to and I'm sorry for ignoring you guys about the subject. I love you all, but I need some time for these heavy subjects. My therapist said to take baby steps when adjusting to this new view in life. So, I'm taking baby steps by quitting my day job and getting back into music while slowly getting back into classes. Baby steps."

"Alright, we're sorry. We're just really excited for you babez," Ashley said and hugged my side.

"I know, thank you. I do love you guys, and it means so much to me that you are here to support me. And I know I'm not the best friend recently because I never check in or ask how you are, but I'm working on that."

Tess hugged my other side. "Can you at least set a reminder, twice a week to say "Hi I'm alive and relatively okay", at least? So we don't go stir crazy and stalk your boyfriend."

"Have you stalked us before?" I ask surprised.

"No, I wanted to but they held me back," Ashley points to Ronny and Tess. "But really, it'd be nice to hear from you first at least so we're not worried."

"I'll do better, I promise," I nod my head to them, showing I'm determined.

"Ya know, she's been asking about you," he points next door. "Keeps bringing sweets by asking if you're doing okay. I'm going to get fat here without your cooking and from all those sweets. So, stop by Shelly and say hi at least. And for the love of god take some of those sweets to Devens."

I feel myself smiling. I wonder if they told her about my mom, or if they told her I'm staying with Deven and May. I nod to myself and continue to pack a bag. I walk with them to the kitchen and listen to their banter as I open the fridge. My face drops at the amount of sweets. The last time we had this much from Shelly Cafferty was when I was sobering. I took out everything and grabbed a plate and wrapped it. I piled 3 of everything onto the plate then wrapped it up and left it on the counter. I put everything back in the fridge, took out a pen and paper, and started writing down simple recipes Ronny can make when I'm not here.

"I'll make sure to stop by more often, to pay my side of the rent and stuff mostly. I'll stop by Cafferty's and let her know I'm wonderful and she can stop with the sugar. I'll be picking back up my shifts at the cafe, it'll just be a slow process. And, I'll be going to classes more often now. I've not been a great friend, but I'll get there."

"We know," Tess hugged my arm. "Take your time, Max."

--

I take a deep breath, bag in hand, and raise my other hand to knock on the door. I hear her yell that she'll be out in a minute. I mentally prepare myself on what to tell her, as she's been like a mother to me for a while. I don't have enough time to prepare, as she opens the door and grins at me.

"Max! Oh dear, how have you been? You've been gone for so long I was getting worried!"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Shelly. A lot has happened."

"Well, come inside and we can catch up," she steps to the side, so I enter. "Go sit, I'll get snacks."

I followed as she directed, going to sit at her coffee table. She comes back in with a cup of sweet tea. It's her grandson's favorite so she always has some pre-made. I take it and she sits across from me, waiting for me to make the first move.

"My mom passed. She was sick, and I only got to see her for a week before she passed. I hadn't seen her in a long time, then my siblings showed up and everything changed so quickly. She wanted to move to Montana and live the rest of her days there, away from everyone so it would be easier to pass on without any resentment, but she was too sick," I feel the tears prick my eyes. So, I take a deep breath, take a large gulp of the sweet tea, then let out the breath. "We talked for so long, and you know what the tension was like," I pause again to look into her squinted brown eyes. "There was always conflict, and everything just felt so wrong about the situation. But, Deven and his sister May met her, and she gave us a blessing and we talked about the wedding that she would miss. We talked about my sobriety which she missed. We talked about my addictions which she missed. We talked about my college, my jobs, my friends, Ronny, we talked about everything she missed. Then she was gone," I sob as I say the last sentence.

"And Deven is so amazing. He signed me up for therapy, we're making music together," I wipe my eyes as I sob. "And he's been my rock this entire time. He's so wonderful. When I feel like I'm losing my mind he helps make me sane again. I also feel so guilty, I practically live with him now and I quit my job, and I stopped going to classes. And he doesn't care. He's just there for me. And I love him so much. I miss my mom even though we only got close for a week. I miss my dad too. Both of my parents are dead, and my stepfather is trying to contact me and make sure I'm alive and okay because he loved my mom but I want him to catch on and leave me alone," I continue to sob.

I would normally feel pathetic like this, but Shelly has been a mother to me since I moved here, and she also helped me get sober. I love this woman like a mother, so I embrace the hug she invites me to. And I let her comfort me as I sob into her shoulder. I hear her mumbling in my shoulder and I realize she's praying for me, and I left her. I join in her silence and I let her pray for me. She prayed for my happiness, she prayed for my mother, she prayed for my father, she prayed for Deven and May. She prayed for my friends and my bosses. She prayed for my teachers. She prayed for everyone who knew me to understand and try to help in any difficult time.

Then she cried with me, saying that everything would prove to be okay in the end that I would find happiness, and that my parents would be at peace. She kissed my cheek in a motherly way and said "It'll be okay my dear".

I fully believed in her words.