N0 B0DY, N0 CRIM3 | Bang Chan

Stoicism

A/N: Trigger warning for mentions of PTSD, depression, and suicide. 

_ _ _ 

Hyunjin would have rather done a million other things than text Kiera Campbell. Unfortunately, he had promised Chan he would and he didn't want to break that promise. In his opinion, Chan was putting too much faith in him. Of course he had talked to girls before, but those were nothing like this. They hadn't been the daughter of the current president. 

He forced himself out of bed and into the shower. Usually, he slept in late, but not today. By the time he got out and put clothes on, Changbin was lounging on his bed. He scrolled through his phone on his back. A flip phone sat on his stomach with a yellow sticky note attached to it. 

As soon as the bathroom door opened, Changbin didn't bother glancing away from his phone. He held up the flip phone towards Hyunjin with his opposite hand. "Chan said I was supposed to give you this." 

Hyunjin grumbled as he ripped the phone away from Changbin and glanced at the scribbled note. 

This is Kiera's personal cell phone number. If it doesn't work, let me know. I'll get Seungmin to dig deeper. Don't forget that your purpose is to lure her out. 

-Chan 

He glanced up towards Changbin who continued scrolling through his phone. "Can you get off my bed, so I can do this?" 

"Nope." 

"Such a pain in my ass," Hyunjin huffed. He walked over to the corner of his room and dropped himself into his large black bean bag. "It's not even your bed." 

"It's more comfortable than my bed." 

"Then get a new bed." 

"Why do that when I can use yours for free?" 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes and flipped open the burner phone. Chan had a whole stash of them in his room. They were purchased with cash at a variety of different locations. Whenever the group needed one, they'd have to ask, and Chan usually provided them. He typed in Kiera's number and began texting her. 

'Hey.'

Short, simple, and to the point. 

He turned his attention back to Changbin while he waited for a response. "So what has you down in the dumps lately? You haven't been doing much besides moping throughout the house." 

"I don't want to talk about it." 

"I don't know why I bothered asking." 

"I don't know why you did either." 

The phone vibrated in his hands. He flipped it open and went back to the thread of text messages. Hopefully, this was the right number. 

'Who is this?' 

Not wanting to give himself away yet, he texted a response. 'Is this Kiera?' 

Up on his bed, Changbin clicked his phone off, and let it fall onto his stomach. He stared up at Hyunjin's ceiling. Even though it was Lee Know's house, he had given everyone free reign to do whatever to their rooms. Hyunjin had painted his ceiling a deep blue. He speckled it with white stars and constellations.  

'This is her. Who is this?' 

Bingo. 

'This is Hwang Hyunjin. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you so early. I got your number from a friend of mine. I've been wanting to text you for a few days, but when I heard what happened yesterday, I felt like I should text and ask if you were okay. I'm really sorry this happened to you.' 

He glanced back over at Changbin. "Whatever you're dealing with, you can't ignore it forever. You're going to have to deal with it sometime. You can either talk about it now or let your anger bubble up and you can explode later." 

"I know." 

Changbin had an issue with anger. He always had and, if things kept going like they were, he always would. It was a brooding black darkness that he always seemed to carry with him everywhere he went. The smallest things had started to set him off. 

He hadn't always been like that. Of course, he hadn't. Right out of high school, not sure what he wanted to do, he decided to join the military. He went through boot camp and had been stationed somewhere overseas. Nobody knew exactly what he went through, but he came back an entirely different person. 

Stray Kids had always known Changbin to be angry. Of course, he had good days, but he also had a lot of bad. Days where he'd flip his room upside down. Ripping clothes off hangers and peeling the bedding off his bed. Days where his inner demons got to be too much. The rage bubbled over and something inside of him snapped. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't control it. 

'Is this a joke? There's no way you have my number.' 

"Changbin, can I borrow your phone to take a selfie? I have to prove to Kiera that I'm who I say I am. She doesn't believe that it's me." 

Changbin typed in his pin and tossed him his Samsung. Hyunjin quickly took a selfie with a peace sign and sent the photo to the burner phone. He threw the phone back to Changbin and went back to the flip phone. 

"One of my buddies that I served with died," Changbin finally got out. 

"Did he die in combat?" 

A small number of Changbin's military friends had opted to continue serving in the military. After a few years of serving, you could leave if you wanted to. It paid decent money, so some decided to stick with it. Hyunjin didn't know exactly what they did and he never asked. He sent the selfie to Kiera with a caption.

"No. His mom texted me a few days ago. He hung himself in his bedroom closet. He did it one day before his twenty-fifth birthday. He couldn't stop the nightmares and he kept having flashbacks during the day." 

"Oh, wow. That's awful. Do you want to talk about it?" 

A lot of American soldiers, no matter what branch they served in, they always seemed to have some sort of trauma. A shadow of depression that crept up and clutched onto them. Nightmares, post-traumatic-stress-disorder, alcohol and drug abuse, the list went on and on. 

On the outside, it always seemed like a good option. After a few years of serving, they'd pay for your college. You'd be hailed as a hero for serving your country. All you had to do was pass a physical examination and take a few tests. Once the contract with recruiters was signed, there was no going back. 

"I don't think so." Changbin bit down on his tongue to stop the tears from forming. "I just miss him." 

Without another word, he got off of Hyunjin's bed, and left the room.