N0 B0DY, N0 CRIM3 | Bang Chan

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"I fucked up, I know. I don't care if you all see me differently now. I don't give a shit, just help me find him." Chan paced in front of the living room couch. "Please, I need to know he's safe." His hands tugged through his hair. 

After Felix took off, Chan called a code red down in the living room. It took a few minutes to get everyone around. Hyunjin was nursing a headache from the previous day. Seungmin and I.N were still sleeping when the code red was called. Changbin had to wake the two of them up. 

Chan laid down the truth in front of everyone. He admitted his father was the one to kill Felix's parents. He admitted he was there. Everyone, besides Kiera and Lee Know, seemed shocked. Kiera already knew and Lee Know always held a suspicion that something was up between Chan and Felix. 

Felix was the only member of the gang who never had an official job title. Sure, sometimes he helped Lee Know in the kitchen. Sometimes he did small bits of research to help with their cases, but he had never held anything officially. When it came to traveling places, Chan always made sure Felix was with him. 

Ever since the beginning, Chan held a soft spot for Felix. Nobody minded it. He knew Felix the longest and Felix was riddled with trauma. Lee Know figured Chan was keeping Felix safe, but now he understood. Chan was keeping Felix safe out of guilt. He never thought he'd see the day where Chan spiraled. 

"We don't see you differently," Han was the first to speak up. "You were doing what you needed to do. Did he mention where he was going?" 

"He took off before we could talk." 

"I'm telling you, he'll come back," Kiera insisted. "Felix loves you, but he needs time to cope with this. Without meaning to, you blindsided him." 

"I can take I.N and we can search the warehouse," Han offered. 

"Yeah," Lee Know added, "Changbin and I can go search some of his favorite places. He can't have gone too far. Where else would he go? You and Kiera can stay here in case he comes back. Seungmin can g-" 

"You needed me to upload that video, I can do that while we're searching. If this video is like every other video, I'll have it edited in a few minutes. I can upload it and help search afterwards. In the meantime, I'll try to call and text him. If I'm calling and texting him, nobody else needs to worry about reaching him that way." 

"Did he take his phone?" Changbin asked. 

"Well, it's not in his room." 

"This could work. If anyone finds him, text me to let me know. I need to make sure he's okay. I'll give him all the space he needs. I'll go to the warehouse and live there if I need to. Just bring him back here, please." Chan squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. A headache was beginning to throb in the back of his head. "And for the love of god, wear your ear pieces."

Chan learned cell phones couldn't be trusted. With ear pieces, with a simple click, they could contact each other at any time. Sometimes cell phones went out of range or they died. The ear pieces were different and since Felix was missing, now was more important than ever. 

His stomach twisted with anxiety. Chan was usually good with his feelings. He buried them deep down and avoided them. It took months of practice before he was able to separate himself from his feelings, but Felix was different. He loved everyone from afar, but not Felix. He loved Felix with everything he had, even if he never showed it properly. 

There were quiet agreements and murmurs as everyone went their own separate ways. Kiera watched them go in silence. Seungmin headed up the stairs and towards his room to edit the video. Chan was left with his head hanging and regret filling his body. 

Kiera reached forward, gently grabbed Chan's hand, and pulled him towards her. He collapsed beside her on the couch. His eyes never left the floor. "I'm a monster." 

"You're not a monster, Chan. This doesn't make you a monster. You have to stop beating yourself up. You didn't mean for Felix to overhear the conversation, neither of us did. He'll come back to you, he always will." 

"I feel like a piece of shit. I should have told him sooner, but I was so afraid; I was a coward. I didn't want him to look at me differently. I grew to care about him, I didn't want to lose him." 

"Look at me." 

Chan refused to meet Kiera's eyes. She reached over, gently grabbed his chin, and turned his head towards her. "You're not a monster or a piece of shit or whatever your brain is telling you. You were doing what you thought was right. It was a tragic series of events that you had no control over. The guys are going to find Felix and everything is going to be okay." 

"It's going to take time, but the two of you will be able to work it out. This is a shitty situation and it hurts, but the two of you will figure it out. Felix only holds grudges against people that deserve them." 

"I deserve the grudge." 

"Hey," Kiera inched closer to Chan's face. "You need to calm down. When he gets back, the two of you can talk and you can explain the truth. I think you underestimate how much Felix cares about people. Do you remember when I first showed up and Felix took me to the warehouse kitchen and made me pancakes? You got mad about it." 

"What does that have to do with this?" 

"If Felix can find some good in the daughter of a man who threatened to throw your asses in jail, he can find the good in someone he has found comfort in for years."