N0 B0DY, N0 CRIM3 | Bang Chan

I lost a friend

A/N: Trigger warning for mentions of child pornography, self-harm, and sexual assault. 

_ _ _ 

"Jennie Matthews used to be my best friend." Kiera stared straight ahead at the camera. "Our parents were friends before we were born. Our fathers met in college and their friendship continued. I know a lot about Jennie Matthews." 

"I know she preferred math class over English class. Every Sunday afternoon, she'd boil a whole carton of eggs. Throughout the week, she'd eat hard boiled eggs as snacks." A faint smile appeared on her face from the memory of her best friend sitting on her countertop peeling a hard-boiled egg. 

"She had her first boyfriend in sixth grade and he told her I dressed funny. So when we sat down to eat lunch at school, she spilled her strawberry milk over the top of his head and then told him they were breaking up. Jennie and I knew nearly everything about each other. We helped each other with our problems and we made each other laugh." 

"We were always laughing together, but that laughter stopped after everything came out about her father. Lawrence Matthews is," Kiera paused, "was a self-centered asshole. When everything came out about him, Jennie's smiles stopped and her laughter became rare until it vanished all together."  

"The day she found those photos, it was two days after her eighteenth birthday. She called me freaking out and came over to my house where she proceeded to burst into tears. She didn't find a single nude photo of herself as a child, she found hundreds. They weren't all her. There were multiple victims of Lawrence Matthews." 

Chan sat in a chair behind the tripod. It was the middle of the night and Kiera was restless. The video was supposed to be filmed the next day, but Kiera insisted she needed to film it now. She couldn't sleep and she needed to get things off her chest. He kept his arms crossed and his gaze at the floor. He realized watching Kiera directly made her nervous. 

"She felt disgusted. Violated. Filthy. Unloved. Worthless. There are so many words you can use to describe it. Jennie asked to borrow my shower. I sat outside the door and listened to her soft sobs. When she came out with tear-filled eyes, her arms and neck were covered with red imprints from where she had scratched herself trying to scrub away those feelings." 

Kiera swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to keep her tears at bay. "There is nothing you can say to take away the feeling of disgust that creeps in and settles into your bones. To be taken advantage of, it hurts. For you to lose control of your own body, it takes something from you."

 "Your individualism seems to disappear. The feeling of no longer being human and turning into an object; nobody deserves to feel like that. What Lawrence did to his own daughter was wrong. What he did to the other victims was wrong. There is nothing you can say to justify what he did now or ever." Kiera's eyes fell to the floor. 

Chan closed his eyes as he soaked in Kiera's words. He never met Jennie, but he had seen photos of her before. Lee Know used to talk to her nearly every day, so he knew some things about her. He couldn't imagine how much this must have destroyed her when it was occurring. 

"And I don't want to hear anyone saying that it's a setup because it's not!" Kiera faced the camera. "You wanna know how I know that? Because I saw the photos! Jennie was just a toddler in the photos and all of the other victims..." Tears filled her eyes. "They were babies; newborns, toddlers, school-aged."

Chan's eyes widened. Kiera never revealed this information, she kept it deep inside. Every time she tried to come out in support of Jennie, her parents insisted Jennie made it up. She tried to tell them, but they were in deep denial. They proclaimed Jennie was setting up her father. The photos were her's and not her father's. They shut her down every time she tried to talk about it. 

Tears began falling down her cheeks. "Stop sitting behind your screens! Stop blinding supporting people you know nothing about! The majority of you never knew Lawrence Matthews and you never will!" 

Kiera's voice raised a few pitches. "I watched every movie he ever starred in! So many of his co-actors say he's the nicest person they've ever met! He wouldn't do that! Oh, isn't he so hot and dreamy?" She pretended to fan herself and twirled a strand of hair around her finger. 

She jerked her hand away and glared at the lens. "Who gives a shit? People have secrets! Did you know Lawrence Matthews used to look up my skirt when I was twelve? Did you know he'd drop something in front of me, ask me to bend over, and then stood behind me to watch me pick it up? Did you know Lawrence Matthews had wandering hands beneath the dinner table?" 

Kiera let out a laugh and shook her head. "Why didn't I come out about it sooner? I guess it's hard to do that when your parents control everything for you. That's right ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the late first lady and the current president of the United States of America." She clapped her hands together and another broken laugh filled the air. 

Her lips stretched into a cheshire grin. Tears continued to trickle down your cheeks. "Hi, Dad. How's it going in the white house? Are you having fun? Don't worry, I won't say anything to tarnish your golden reputation. I'll just tell America the truth and if that destroys your image," she shrugged, "maybe you did that yourself." 

"Remember when you used to take me to Lawrence's house every weekend? As I got older, I begged you not to, but you refused. I tried to tell you that something was wrong, but you waved me off. You called me dramatic and said I was acting like a brat." She let out another laugh. 

Chan watched without a word. He knew she was falling apart, but he didn't want to interrupt. He moved onto the edge of his chair. He was ready to get up if he needed to. 

"I lost my best friend. She killed herself because people are fucking idiots! She felt lost and alone. I tried to be there for her, but I couldn't because of my parents. They were too busy protecting their stupid fucking image!" 

She closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath before she reopened her eyes. "I've decided that I'm tired of keeping secrets. I'm tired of staying quiet and I'm tired of being on the sidelines of my own life." 

"Dad, you've always liked playing chess, so your move is next." She wiped away her tears and sat up straighter. "Good luck, I think you're going to need it." 

"And now that Lawrence Matthews is dead, I hope he rots in hell."