N0 B0DY, N0 CRIM3 | Bang Chan

Lonely street

And suddenly he knew what it was like to be a chained dog. Forced to sit and heel instead of shooting down the path and bounding up ahead. For the first time in years, Chan didn't know what came next. He didn't have the answers for anyone. 

They were nearing day five and it was taking everything inside of him not to do something stupid like sprint towards the white house. He kept checking his burner phone every five minutes. His latest pasttime was driving all the members up the wall. 

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. He paced around the bed and back around again. He turned into the bathroom, took a few steps, and backed out into the bedroom. The guys purchased three rooms next to each other at some run-down inn. Nobody would look for them there, right? 

The lip piercing in his lip was working on gaining an infection. Yesterday, he jerked it into his mouth so hard, it began to bleed. He didn't even notice until Changbin pointed out his bleeding lip. The edges of the skin around his fingers were the same way. He nibbled at the skin with sky-rocketing anxiety. 

How was he supposed to survive this? He didn't know if three of the younger members of his group were alive. He had no idea what Kiera was doing. Everything was spinning out of control. He was in the eye of the hurricane and it was tearing him apart. 

Battered with heavy winds and rains; his own anxious thoughts and long showers. He stood beneath the water for as long as his body could stand it. The scalding hot showers brought little comfort, but a little comfort was better than nothing at all. 

Everyone had been staying in their motel rooms. Changbin opted to stay with Chan because he was the only one stronger than Chan. If he had to pin Chan down to the bed to stop him from destroying everything, he would. 

The second night of their arrival, he got into a fight with Seungmin. The two were at each other's throats and had to be separated. Chan wanted to call the whole thing off and Seungmin called him a selfish bastard. Kiera wanted this to begin with. He didn't understand why Chan didn't trust her to work everything out. Besides Felix, Chan had been the first member to fully trust Kiera. 

His bed never felt so cold before. He had never felt so lonely. He took all those times when Felix curled up into his bed for granted. He wanted to sneak into the white house and curl up beside Kiera and let her hold him. Maybe he wasn't as tough as he thought he was. 

Why was a single woman bringing him to his knees? She shoved an arrow in his chest and twisted it. Why did he have to be so vulnerable? It never ended well. Falling in love was a tragedy. Cupid was the devil in disguise; cursing people with kisses and seducing them with sweet talk, only for it to end with people half of whom they used to be. 

"Chan?" I.N's voice cut through the air. 

"What?" Chan growled. 

"You're doing it again." 

"Doing what?" 

"Not breathing properly." 

Chan sighed and sucked in a deep breath. That was the other problem. Too involved in his own thoughts, he forgot how to breathe. He didn't understand what Han went through daily until this point. He faced anxiety before, but never in such an extensive amount.

His brain skipped the happy ending and went straight to the worst case scenario. Always assuming, never taking the time to logically think things through. Why didn't he kill Kiera Campbell in the first place? He'd never show such weakness in another situation again. 

The rest of the guys went out to grab dinner. I.N offered to stay behind with Chan. The youngest member of Stray Kids had never seen the oldest in such turmoil. It caused his heart to ache. He always looked up to Chan in a lot of ways, but this? Chan spiraling out of control was new. 

He tried to do everything to help Chan cope. He tried to get him to watch movies. He walked with him to the park a few blocks away. He bought board games and hoped those would distract him, but nothing was working. Kiera Campbell brought Chan to his knees and he was inconsolable. 

Chan wasn't Chan anymore. He was snappy, he was angry, and he was a dick. He got into a fight with Seungmin. At one point, he swung at Changbin, but Changbin managed to dodge it. Shockingly, Changbin didn't swing back. Lee Know didn't offer any advice to Chan because he knew he wouldn't want it. 

His solution was silence. He sat beside Chan quietly in his motel room. He let Chan ramble and he listened. He didn't offer potential outcomes. He didn't offer worst case scenarios. He nodded and hummed and let Chan know someone was listening. Even if it meant nothing, he was listening. 

Chan could barely sleep. He already struggled when Felix went missing, but then it worsened when Han and Hyunjin had been taken. Now that Kiera was back at the white house, he could barely think straight. His sleep schedule was non-existent. Nothing was set in stone anymore. 

He went so long without sleep, he began to see shadows out of the corners of his eyes. Earlier this morning, he swatted at a bug on the counter only to realize there wasn't a bug at all, rather it was something he hallucinated. They kept appearing, he blinked, and they vanished. 

Every time he sat down and closed his eyes, he imagined everyone being tortured. He could still hear Kiera's cries and pleas from back when Changbin tortured her. When Felix screamed from the realization that his parents had been murdered was etched into the back of his brain. 

Their voices looped around and around and taunted him; a never-ending game of cat and mouse. No matter where he went, they followed. Even in the bits and pieces of sleep he managed to pick up, they followed. He wasn't sure he'd ever know peace again. 

The door to the motel room burst open. Changbin, Lee Know, and Seungmin clutched bags of McDonald's to their chests. I.N stood up to greet them and helped bring the food into the room. Lee Know walked over to Chan and handed him a coke. 

Chan hesitated until he finally reached out for it. His hand grasped the bottom of the cup. He tugged it, but stopped when Lee Know wouldn't let go. He glanced up with a raised eyebrow. The next words from Lee Know's mouth would change his life entirely. 

"I think I have a plan."