the new baller in town

~28~

Alessia, she is now stood in my spare bedroom doorway, she interrupted what Leah was saying I need her advice.
" Alessia please leave and wait downstairs," I say firmly and she gives me a sadend look.
"Ok, I'll see you in a bit," she says shutting the door and leaving.
"So you regret having sex, was it the time or the person," she questions.
"The time was right but it was the wrong person like I said, I don't feel like  I'm ment to be with him, or men, sorry," I say putting my head in my hands before she pulls me into a hug, which actually provides some comfort to the situation as lia runs her had over my back creating the sense I miss ok over here as my family is in London.
"You know I'll support whatever you choose, I love you either way el, you deserve the world and if he isn't your world then don't stay with him, let yourself be happy," she says.
"But I don't want to hurt him," I say.
"Explain the situation and I'm sure he will support you and I'm ging to go downstairs, would you like me to send Alessia up," she asks standing up and heading for the door. I respond with a nod hoping to think of words that will show her how she upset me, I mean I crashed my motorbike after her, admittedly I had to write that bike off after and it was mostly my fault buttt........

"Hi ....," She says sitting on the side of the bed," I'm sorry,I'm Sorry I led you on, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I was in a relationship, but Im mostly sorry that I didn't realise I was in love with you also, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't, and now I'm to late," she say her leg shaking and her voice becoming quite and he head hanging lower than usual. Gently I place one hand on her knee and the other hand under her chin so I can guid her face to look at me. Her breathing pattern changes, and her heart rate speeds up.
"Lessi, you are not to late, but I can't get into this until I end it with gavi, cause you know what Im not gonna cheat in him and put him through that, I'm gonna go out for a but but I'm guessing you will still be here when I get back, thank you less, really," as I leave the room I sigh, realising I probably should've listened to her back when I first crashed, maybe I should have let her explain and maybe I wouldn't have out myself through getting into a relationship I wasn't ready for witha man. I just let go of all the pent up frustration, sadness and anger I had towards her.

"Leah, ona, I'll be back in an hour or two, don't wait to eat," I say closing the door and beginning the short walk to gavis appartment, arriving my hands are shaking, as I knock the door I feel myself hesitate, I didn't want to, but I did.
"Hola,mì amor," he says going to hug me, but I pull away," everything okay," he asks with confusion spreading across his face.
"I, I, think we made a mistake getting together, I realised earlier after you left that I don't want to be ina romantic relationships with you or a man, it's not you but I wish we would've thought about this earlier and agreed we are better as friends, I'm sorry gavi but I can't be with you like this, " I say, my hands shaking more, this is the first time I've done this.
"El, I agree with what your saying, you are amazing but I can tell your not happy, so I'm sorry if I made it seem like you had to be with me but I hope you know I will be here for you anyway you need and want, thank you for telling me now before I fell to hard for you," he say calming all my nerves and making me much happier.

I leave gavis place with a weight lifted off my shoulders and my mind no longer clouded, now I need to figure out if I'm going to let Alessia in and risk the hurt again, I could but I could also move on......

_______________________________________

Walking in my mind is slightly clearer I know what I want to do and I know how I want to act. I want to be with her I want the kind of relationship that you have when your loyal and you don't feel the need to cheat the kind of relationship that you don't find in this generation very often, the kind of relationship where we go see a drive in movie, the kind of relationship where we go on hikes and stay up until sunrise talking about our days, like I said I want to be with her, that's my choice.

"Hey," I say as I walk through the door and find her waiting, I slowly wrap my arms around her and rest my head on her head, I slowly kiss her forehead and I feel her relax against me," you ok," I whisper as my lips rest against her forehead.
She nods and then detaches her self from me."Go on a date with me," I ask, as I wait for a response I feel myself getting more and more anxious, did I read the signals wrong again, I can't have, she said she wanted to be with me. didn't she.
"Yes, tell me when and where," she says before walking away and leaving me go chuckle to myself.