the new baller in town

~88~

Trigger warning, abortion

It's appointment day and I'm absolutely shitting it. Wally came up last night which was nice and we watched films and spoke about random crap. It's actually going ok now, I'm 2 weeks clean. Alessia and I are in a good place and cause I have a week off after this I'm going to spend it with her so I can recover and enjoy her company for a while. Well a week but it's better than nothing.

My 'crush' on Ellie was absolutely nothing, thank god cause I'm happy with Alessia, I've been releasing more songs now and I have an album that just came out so I have a second source of income along side football, I'm thinking of saving up for my own house for England so alessia and I can move in together, I mean she has a 2 bedroom house I mean it's ok but I want us to build a life together, we need to plan a wedding as well so im saving for that, still don't know whether to wear a dress or a suit.

Today is the day and I'm terrified, I feel bad but I don't at the same time. It's fine. It's fine.
"You ready to go el," wally says.
"Yeh, sure," I mumble grabbing my car keys. No one else knows they know I'm having the next week off but no one knows why not even Ellie, although I am going to have to tell her so that she isn't worried about whely I'm not going to training. Obviously the coaches know now but they had to so I was able to get this time off. It's fine, it's all going to go smoothly and no complications, I hope.

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I just have to take a pill, that's it, that's not to bad, I'm going home and taking it but they went through what happens, its horrible, what the actual fuck.
I have to take 2 pill one today and one tomorrow but tomorrow is where the shit will begin.
They explained everything and within 4-6 hours of taking the second tablet causing pain, bleeding and the thing that I wanted, the pregnancy to be gone. It means I dont need surgery I mean unless this doesn't work. They did warn me that it will be worse cause of the endometriosis but it should work, I hope it works. It has to work.

Wally and I got home and I immediately took the first tablet. My hands were shaking the entire time.But wally was there so that made it a little more bearable.
"You alright," she says as we watch Grey's anatomy together.
"Yeh, tomorrow is going to be the hard part," I say laughing a little.
"Yeh but you will get through it, you always do," she says hugging me gently.
"I can't believe I'm pregnant in the first place if I'm honest, seems unreal, of course I want kids with Alessia but not from that spawn of the devil," I say watching the first episode where Lexie grey is introduced. She is the best character. Well other than Arizona.
" Neither can I if I'm honest el, you didn't deserve what happened but I'm glad you clean again now and everything," she says very confused by the show we are watching.

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Day 2

I took the second pill about 4 hours ago I'm currently sat on my bathroom floor in pain, it's excruciating right now, worse than a flare up if I'm honest.  Fuck. Fuck, did I make a mistake, well there's no going back now.
Wally comes into the bathroom and sits on the floor beside me.
"I feel so sick," I say quietly.
" I know, I'm sorry el, I'm so sorry," she says. I rest my head against the Bathtub and wally goes off somewhere and then comes back.

"Hey baby," I hear from beside me.
"Wait what," I say opening my eyes and turning my head to see alessia sat next to me with her hand on my thigh.
"Hey love,your ok," she says pulling me into her as a few tears slip from my eyes.
"It hurts so much and I know what the next thing that happens is," I say crying into her shoulder.
"What happens next buba," she asks kissing my head gently.
"Um bleeding I think you know cause it gets rid of the pregnancy," I say quietly.
"It's ok, your gonna be ok Ella, I promise ok, I love you I'm here and I'm going to be here all the way," she says making sure I'm ok, and rubbing my stomach with her hand gently.
" But what of it's not," I say quietly.
"It will be, you just have to get through today love ok, I love you," she says kissing the side of my head.
I fell asleep shortly after that My head against Alessia the pain not leaving at all I'm more frightened for what happens next if I'm honest. Actually I'm terrified.

I wake up feeling extremely cold but I'm sweating, Alessia isn't next to me anymore, so no idea where she has gone. I figured I would run a bath cause it may ease my stomach a little.
Once the bath was run alessia walked back in.
"You ok love," she asks massaging my shoulders as I lay in the bath.
"No, I feel guilty, my stomach hurts and I'm terrified," I say quietly leaning my head back against her.
"Like I said earlier, your going to be ok, I'm here I'm not leaving ok bubs, I love you so much," she says kissing my shoulder gently.
"Holy shit," I mumble seeing blood. I make alessia sit on the floor with her back to me she doesn't need to see this. But she is still holding my hand with her thumbs grazing my knuckles.
"I'm here ok, I'm not leaving," she says kissing the back of my hand," I love you."