Predestined - JENSOO - ENGLISH VERSION

Chapter 3

I feel stranger and I can no longer recognize myself with each passing day. I know that something has changed in me, but I can't identify what it is and every time I try to identify it, I have a headache and I give up thinking.

But now, after scrolling through the timeline and not seeing anything interesting, I realize that I need to do something about my relationship. I'm not unhappy, but I'm not happy either. I have nothing to complain about Bohyun.

He is polite, kind, understanding, always there. There's nothing to talk about. When I think: what could he improve? I can't think of anything, then I realize the problem is with me.

I feel very unfair about continuing with him even though I'm not interested anymore and even though I know how much he is in love with me, but if it were the other way around, I would prefer him to break up with me instead of continuing with me out of pity or fear of me to hurt.

How do I put an end to a relationship that is perfect?

I can't be completely honest and say that I no longer feel butterflies in my stomach or that delicious anxiety every time we kiss. Because it's not his fault that I've changed and my feelings have diminished to that point.

Is there any way I can rehearse a break-up speech? Is there a tutorial on YouTube showing the best way to do it?

Duh, Jisoo, the best way to break up is to not break up.

I rub my hands over my face and let out a loud sigh, catching the attention of some of the customers at the cafe where I'm waiting for Bohyun to arrive for our important conversation. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to want to talk to him right at lunch, how will he be able to work the rest of the day?

As soon as I pick up my phone to try to cancel our date, Bohyun walks through the door. Today he is wearing just a denim shirt, black pants and white sneakers. I let out another sigh because my boyfriend is handsome, but I no longer have feelings for him.

I wave to him, who opens a wide smile when he sees me and my heart sinks for the imminent end.

"Is this coffee shop new? Why haven't we ever come here before?" the brunette gives me a quick kiss and sits in front of me, placing a paper bag on the table "I had forgotten to give it to you before, here are two books that I had bought for you." my breath catches in my throat and I just nod my head in agreement.

"Thanks..." I say softly as I look at the books and take a deep breath.

"What did you want to talk about?" Bohyun takes my hand and when I look up to look at him, I feel an absurd urge to cry for what I'm about to do.

"I-I... I've been thinking about the last few weeks and I think something has changed, I mean, I know something has changed." I say slowly, trying to control my breathing.

"Okay?" he furrows his eyebrows.

"I realized that things are not the way it should be."

"It's okay, Soo..." he lets out a sigh and remains silent, as soon as I open my mouth to continue speaking, he says "What do you think we can do to improve?"

I wasn't expecting that, I mean I thought I would just say it, he would accept it and that would be it. Now I'm staring at him not knowing what to say. There's nothing that can be done to improve, I don't even know what's different about me, how am I going to improve this?

"Bohyun... what I want to say is that I think we want different things." I bite my mouth when I see the pieces forming in his mind and my boyfriend understanding what I mean.

"D-do you want to finish?" he leans back in the chair and his shoulders slump, looking like he lost a fight. I just nod my head in agreement and look away. "Why? Was there something missing that I didn't notice?" I look at him again and his despair is so great that now I'm desperate to leave him thinking something like that.

"No! I swear, Bohyun, never." I take his hand between mine and squeeze it firmly "You didn't do anything wrong this whole time, all you did was be present and an incredible boyfriend."

"I don't understand." he shakes his head in denial, looking like he's about to cry.

"I changed, Bohyun, something changed in me and I don't know what it's. It wasn't because of something you did or didn't do, it's my fault, I'm the problem, but I still haven't been able to figure out what happened." I take a deep breath and stare at him, as he doesn't say anything, I just keep talking "I realized that I'm not as happy as I felt before and I think it's unfair to keep you in a relationship like that, you deserve someone who values ​​you because you it is very valuable."

He starts to cry, the tears escaping slowly and I bite my mouth, looking away. Is there anything I can say that will improve what he's feeling?

At the same time as I'm worried about not making Bohyun suffer, I'm also relieved that it's over. A little sad, but nothing overwhelming like what he must be feeling.

"Are you sure it's not my fault? That I did something or didn't do something to get us to this point? I thought everything was fine" I hear him say and I look at him again "I don't know." he passes his hand over his face and sighs, his eyes fixed on me and I sigh too.

"I'm absolutely sure that you never did anything wrong and I have nothing to complain about you or us, as I told you, the problem is me, Bohyun. I'm sorry."

"The worst thing is that I know that when you decide something, it's decided and you won't change your mind." He lets out a heavy sigh and looks away. As I don't know what to say, I remain silent, waiting for him to get up and leave. "Since we're here, can we have lunch? I'll pay, since this is the last time we go out together." he says after a few minutes and I wink several times to try to process what I just heard.

"You're asking me to lunch after we break up and you're still going to pay the bill? In addition to the two books you gave me?" I look at him in disbelief and he gives a sad half smile, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll never deny food." I smile at Bohyun who ends up laughing when he hears me.