Predestined - JENSOO - ENGLISH VERSION

Chapter 58

"Trouble in paradise?" Lisa squeezes my shoulder and I let out a heavy sigh as I look at my cell phone. I close my eyes and rub my forehead. I try to take deep breaths and calm down.

"I'm very angry, Lisa."

"What happened this time?"

"When Jennie came in the new year, we had agreed to spend the Carnival holiday together, I was going to travel there and I was already looking for a ticket, what we were going to do." I take a deep breath, trying to control my irritation "And now she simply says that it won't be possible because her mother and cousins ​​told her at the last minute that they bought tickets to visit her and she didn't say that she already had plans, because obviously it is much easier to cancel all the planning she did with me than to say no to her family."

"I don't understand why you can't go." Lisa looks at me and I look at her without believing what she just said.

"Her family will stay at Jennie's apartment. Where the hell am I going to stay, Lisa?"

"They don't know about you?"

"No. Jennie hasn't come out of the closet yet." I pass my hand over my face and let out another irritated sigh.

"Wait, are you telling me that you came out to almost your entire family, including your openly homophobic mother, but Jennie is keeping you a secret? Really?"

"She says she is afraid of her mother's reaction and rejection."

"You had it too, if I remember correctly."

"I asked if she ever talked about this in therapy and she told me no, because she didn't think it was necessary."

"What?!"

"Yes, Lisa, exactly what you heard."

"I don't even know what to say."

"There are so many things making me angry that I don't even know which one is affecting me the most."

"Why?"

"Because for the first time I'm insecure about this relationship and insecurity is not something I'm used to dealing with." I look at my phone "How am I going to plan a future with someone like that?"

"What do you mean, Jisoo?"

"Lisa, I really understand Jennie's fear of her mother. They are very attached to each other, but Jennie is of age, educated, independent, lives alone, why the hell does this have to carry so much weight? They don't even live near each other, you know?" I shake my head in denial "If she still depended on her mother in some way, I would understand, but it's different."

"Jisoo..."

"Let's suppose I get a job and move in with Jennie, right?" I look at the Thai woman and she just nods her head in agreement "We're there living our little lives and then the family decides to go visit her, what the hell is she going to do with me? Put me in a hotel while her family is at the house? Hide me? Buy tickets for me to come here and visit you while they're there? I don't think it's fair, I'm not a toy that she can play with whenever she wants and put away when she can't play. I'm a good person, honest, I'm terrified of Jennie thinking I'm self-serving or that I'm abusing her, I don't deserve this." I say angrily and Lisa stares at me.

"It seems like there are more things that need to be said."

"Obviously there is, I don't understand why Jennie can't say no to her family, as if she were committing a crime and it's me who ends up being affected, it's this relationship." I feel the tears burning in my eyes "It's very unfair for her to make plans with me and then cancel them according to her family's wishes because she doesn't know how to impose herself."

"I really don't know what to say." Lisa sighs and I rub my eyes.

"I don't want to be with someone who is ashamed of me or this relationship, I want someone who is proud of what we are building. I'm not saying she should go around shouting that we're dating, I just want her to be firm in the choices she makes and impose herself on her family because she doesn't owe them anything."

"I thought it was naughty that you planned something and she canceled the plans just like that, I mean, she didn't need to say that her girlfriend would be there, but she could say that she already had plans with her friends."

"Exactly!"

"Have you already told her that?"

"No, I'll tell her tonight when we call, but she knows I'm angry and hurt." I wipe away some tears.

"You being hurt is one of the worst things that could happen." She looks at me with fear and I raise one of my eyebrows at her "You are spiteful."

"I'm upset, Lisa, and I'm insecure. I think the worst part of all this is the insecurity because I don't have confidence that Jennie will ever stand up for herself, and if she's not able to do that, it means our relationship isn't as solid as I thought it was."

"What do you mean?"

"That I need to take a step back and pay attention to the facts, I can't get attached to what Jennie and I talked about."

"Jisoo, I don't understand."

"Jennie says she wants to marry me, but all it takes is for her family to do something and the scenario changes, you know?" I give a weak smile "Imagine if we scheduled the wedding and they decided to say they were going to visit Jennie? She might reschedule the wedding and the party just to avoid taking any risks."

"You're being exaggerated."

"No, Lisa, you really have no idea of ​​the control that Jennie's family has over her, especially her mother. Her opinion has a huge impact on Jennie's life and the way Jennie deals with everything, it ends up affecting our relationship too and that's what worries me."

"Do you think you guys can break up because of this?"

"Sincerely? I have no idea" I look away from the Thai woman and look at my phone "But between us, no matter how much I'm willing to give to Jennie, if one day she has to choose between our relationship and her family, I'm sure that Jennie will choose her family. I can only hope that this day never comes because my girlfriend doesn't know how to find a balance and put us all on the same level."