Predestined - JENSOO - ENGLISH VERSION

Chapter 45

I stare at the phone screen without knowing exactly what to do. Why did I talk about hitting on her?

I'm really very stupid.

But thinking about it, the sooner I say everything and let her know how I still feel, the sooner she can dump me, put me in my place and we can move forward being friends.

I take a deep breath and try to organize my thoughts to make Jennie aware. God, I'm having a gay panic and I can barely think.

1 year later and Jennie can still rock me in ways I never imagined I would be able to feel.

🐰: I'm going to say it directly to make up for the humiliation of the answer you're going to give me because I can feel it coming.

🐰: Jennie, are you stupid?

🐰: Do you REALLY believe that if I had already overcome those feelings, after almost a year had passed and I was with someone else, I would be here in love because of you right now? I just don't make everything as clear as possible and send planes to draw in the sky what I want to say to you because I have no idea what's going on in your head and if there's still any 0.000001% of feeling inside you.

🐰: Okay, there's a lot of fear, insecurity and confidence, but none of that influenced absolutely anything I felt at the time, the worst thing that happened was that I forced myself to put it on the back burner so I wouldn't have to think all the time, but it's been a long time and I still have a crush on you.

🐰: Do I hope for something? No, because that means being very stupid and I progressed a few levels, even if only a few. I don't create hope for anything and I don't even fool myself about anything because just talking is good for me. I'm not going to be crazy enough to be annoying, inconvenient and force myself on someone who doesn't care, so I keep quiet and don't say anything about these things. I'm just saying it because you asked, but just so you know I don't have ulterior motives or anything like that.

🐰: I'm here in peace and friendship and respect.

🐰: Namaste.

Jennie: Hey, people change, I thought you didn't feel romantic at all, that's all

Jennie: Why could this have happened, right? But since you said no, sorry

🐰: Sorry what?

🐰: What?

🐰: Oh okay, I understand now

🐰: It could, it didn't happen

🐰: It wasn't like I fed into it, just for the record

Jennie: Sorry for not realizing the "obvious"

🐰: But I didn't make it obvious

Jennie: So why did you ask if I'm stupid???

🐰: Because joining the dots makes sense in my head and it's not my fault if my mind works for some things and doesn't work for others

Jennie: Okay 

Jennie: What I was going to say is that even after everything that happened and the hate I felt for a while, there was always something that reminded me of you and the good things, but then I would go back to the strategies of crucifying you in my head until you can overcome 100% on the basis of HATE...

Jennie: But I don't know if I've evolved enough or if it's your fault for having some trace of feelings for you too, not much, but there is 🤷🏻‍♀️

Jennie: Before, I would think it was a sign of weakness to admit this, but things are different, right? A lot has changed.

Jennie: Am I crazy? Yes, but with more awareness

Jennie: I don't speculate about what could work or not because everything is so different that the possibilities are endless.

Jennie: I think I prefer to go with the flow anyway

🐰: I'm thinking if I read it, I'm typing and keeping my eyes on the keyboard so I don't have spoilers and cry

🐰: I saw something about flow

🐰:

You 🤝 Me

Go with the flow?

Jennie: Yeah yeah

JENSOO IS BACK.

Okay, we're not officially back together, but just knowing that she has any trace of feelings for me is too good to be true.

I knew, all that hate was love in disguise because if she had stopped liking me, Jennie would have become indifferent.

I'm Kim Jisoo, she can't forget me that easily.

By the way, Jennie is the love of my life, I'm more than absolutely sure of that.

In the same way that I know that I will die someday, I know that she is the love of my life and all I want is to be with her until the end of time. I have never been so happy and confident about something as I'm feeling right now.

I'm still going to marry Jennie.

Stopping to analyze these thoughts, I seem a little obsessed or even psychopathic, but fuck it, I love her, all I want is to live a life with this woman.

Respect, love, care and do everything in my power to build a relationship in baby steps to become stronger, to check on each other and feel confident in what we are going to build.

My gosh, I love her so much that I would take a bullet for her, but since she is a doctor, let her try to save me later.

Now I'm imagining Jennie wearing a lab coat and she must look even sexier than she already is naturally. I really got lucky.

This is the biggest plot twist that has ever happened in my life and I couldn't be more surprised. Never would I have imagined that Jennie would still feel anything after 1 year and after everything that happened.

Living is too good.

I take out the calendar to see the date of the next holiday. This time I'm not going to wait for the perfect opportunity to see Jennie, I'm going to create that opportunity myself.

I'll organize myself to buy tickets. 5 hours on a plane will be worth it just for me to have the chance to see her in front of me.