31. Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
32. If my job was to make health questionnaires, I’d slip in random stuff like “How fast can you run backwards?”
33. I’d never tell anyone to go to hell but I might suggest a Carnival cruise.
34. I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
35. I’m gonna quit this job. Just as soon as I lose my addiction to food and shelter.
36. My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
37. That awkward moment when you realize you’ve been singing the words wrong to a song your whole life.
38. Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
39. I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food’s food!
40. Some people put their foot in their mouth so much, Dr. Scholl’s should make mouthwash.
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HumorInspired by Han_Man: I'm going to be uploading at least 10 every week to give you pleasure and laughter, Maybe more ;) So, everytime I update, I need you all to do something for me... COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE! The first comment will always win the dedi...
