811. That awkward moment when everyone is laughing and you don't know what's going on.
812. Fine don't text me back then. It's not like I'm obsessively checking my phone or anything.
813. I'm not Starbuckanese and I refuse to speak Starbonics.
814. The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it's my cellphone.
815. Officer I know I ran that red light but it's okay I'll just stop twice at the next one. Are we cool?
816. Download this software? Do you Agree? Are you sure? Well, the more times you ask me if I'm sure the less sure I am.
817. There's nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they're samples. And free. And it's a grocery store.
818. Wednesday, I know you're not Monday, but you still kinda suck.
819. The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
820. If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.
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