291. Don’t say my sport is easy if you don’t play it.
292. I sing a lot for someone who can’t sing.
293. I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
294. skinny = anorexic. thick = obese. virgin = too good. non-virgin = slut. friendly = fake. quiet = rude. You can never please society.
295. Flushing a slow or hesitant toilet at someone else’s house is the scariest 5 to 10 seconds ever.
296. I’m an amazing cuddler. I’m not nationally ranked or anything but I dominate the local circuits.
297. When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
298. Now I completely understand why Oscar is a grouch.
299. “Haven’t had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick.” ~ Everyone in front of you on the highway.
300. By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass.
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