321. Calling someone “stupid” is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it’s just a diagnosis.
322. If it takes you more than an hour to answer a text message I will assume that you’re dead.
323. I wonder if dog’s had facebook, would they put our picture as their profile picture.
324. You know when you recognize someone but don’t know if they remember you and they feel the same way so you try not to look at each other?
325. When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, “I saw it” when they’re done.
326. It’s not really stalking if you don’t catch me doing it.
327. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.
328. Meeting a blind date at Starbucks. She said she'll be wearing Uggs, a NorthFace Jacket, and yoga pants. I got her narrowed down to 47 girls.
329. Life would be better if more things were wrapped in bacon.
330. Look down at your speedometer and ask yourself, is this the right lane for you?
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