551. Sitting in your towel for ages because you’re too lazy to get dressed.
552. I love it when people call me at 3 AM. “Hey, are you asleep?” “No, I’m skydiving.”
553. One day I want to be “Let’s Just Take My Helicopter” rich.
554. Hamburger Helper only works, if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.
555. I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
556. Looking at graffiti on a bridge: Some people: that’s vandalism! Other people: that’s some dope art! Me: how the hell did they get up there?
557. NASA has confirmed that May 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called “night.”
558. My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me. Jerks
559. Are we having some drinks, or are we havin’ some DRANKS? I need to dress appropriately.
560. This world is not going to make any progress until we stop perpetuating the belief that “paper” beats “rock.”
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