491. I’d rather volunteer myself for tribute in the hunger games, than go to school tomorrow.
492. Dear Tostitos, make your dip jars shorter and wider so your chips can actually fit inside them. Thanks
493. It can take me anywhere between 0.02 seconds and 3 days to reply to a text.
494. If you got attacked by a bunch of homeless people would you be bummed?
495. If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
496. I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
497. You may have a hot body but I have a hot bucket of fried chicken so who’s the real winner here.
498. I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
499. I hate being tickled, I do not think it is cute, I do not find it funny, I will kick you in the face.
500. If Eve sacraficed the whole human race for Apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike Bar?
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