1. Don't be afraid to be open minded. Your brain isn't going to fall out.
2. I'm pretty sure it's easier to leave most street gangs than to cancel a membership with L.A. Fitness.
3. Oh? You think you have relationship problems? Try seperating me from my bed in the morning.
4. I think that a butt-dial is a polite form of a booty-call.
5. Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells FUCK really loud then people scurry like mad.
6. People say ‘hate’ is such a strong word, yet they throw around ‘love’ like it’s nothing.
7. I tell people I hate chocolate and they try to give it to me to convert me. I should tell people I hate tempur-pedic beds and orgasms.
8. Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
9. Drinking beer is like pouring smiles on your brain.
10. If she replies to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of just getting offended…. She’s a keeper!
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HumorInspired by Han_Man: I'm going to be uploading at least 10 every week to give you pleasure and laughter, Maybe more ;) So, everytime I update, I need you all to do something for me... COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE! The first comment will always win the dedi...
