841. Work like you owe money to the Mob, love like you've never looked in the mirror, and dance like the only drunk 70 year old man in a popular nightclub.
842. Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it. Now let me go.
843. McDonald's Management Rule #23: "The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times."
844. Just hung a picture. Nailed it.
845. If someone says "you're funny" instead of laughing, you're not.
846. "Do you work here?" "No, I'm wearing this nametag to resolve my painful identity crisis."
847. Don't worry, Prince Harry. We only have one bathroom, so I too know what it's like to be 3rd in line for the throne.
848. If somebody held a gun to my head I still don't think it would be as scary as almost tipping backwards off of a chair.
849. My bank account is more like a countdown to my homelessness.
850. Fact: Everyone cheated at Heads-Up 7-Up in Elementary School.
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