211. Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn’t need if you’d stayed single.
212. I only smoke because there’s a small chance it will kill everybody around me.
213. Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
214. That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.
215. I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
216. Ever feel about as useful as a white crayon?
217. I am not a mind reader…Please adjust your communication skills accordingly.
218. Cops sent me a picture of me speeding through a red light so I sent them a picture of a check. Hope we’re even.
219. Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
220. Is corn the only thing that’s delicious after it explodes?
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