261. The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
262. That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
263. Twinkie’s could survive a nuclear attack, but not the economic collapse. That’s like pollution getting so bad that cockroaches go extinct.
264. I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
265. Love is like working out it hurts really bad until you just give up and eat a cake.
266. How about we start being thankful everyday, and have a holiday once a year called Complainsgiving?
267. I just can’t stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to “stay cool”
268. I didn’t do it! Unless I was supposed to do it. Then of course I did it!
269. I FINALLY found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
270. Sometimes I feel like only Google understands what I’m trying to say…
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