605. And yet, despite the headphones on my head, you're still talking.
610. I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.
614. Imagine this: you're home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers "Bless you." and hangs up.
631. That awkward moment when you catch yourself singing a song that you're supposed to hate.
632. Singing to a song you don't really know...but that 15 second part you know is coming, and you're gonna kill it!
646. I'm a bitch? You're a bitch. Your mom's a bitch for having a bitch, your dad's a bitch for fucking a bitch. Now who's the bitch? Bitch.
660. A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a coconut.
668. Google this number: 241543903. Then click Image Search. Then stick your head in a freezer, apparently.
680. Sumer is real cute until every fucking type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell!
690. I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
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