361. It’s amazing how quickly we forget the lessons of school. Employee morale would be much higher if we still had recess and naps.
362. There’s a thin line between “I should do a status update about that” and “I should talk to a therapist about that”…
363. With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run.
364. I’m a leader. Not a follower. Unless it’s a dark place, then screw it you’re going first.
365. I hate how Instagram forces you to crop your photos.
366. If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
367. When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
368. Having sex is like vacuuming; Hopefully it’s loud, involves lots of sucking, and it’s best if you do it often in every room of the house.
369. I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
370. None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It’s because fish can’t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
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