161. I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
162. I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
163. The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
164. Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
165. I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
166. I can’t even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me “You better not put that on Facebook!”
167. Nothing says “mentally ill and loving it” like stuffed animals in your car window.
168. My lady asked me if we could go out to somewhere expensive the other night, so I took her to the gas station.
169. Some people live life in the fast lane. I’ve spent most of mine on the side of the road, hood open, staring at a smoking engine, scratching my head.
170. My vocabulary can beat your vocabulary’s ass, arse, bum, buttocks, rear end, booty, backside, tush, tuckus and badonkadonk.
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HumorInspired by Han_Man: I'm going to be uploading at least 10 every week to give you pleasure and laughter, Maybe more ;) So, everytime I update, I need you all to do something for me... COMMENT YOUR FAVORITE! The first comment will always win the dedi...
