371. No matter what people think of you, walk around with your head held high. Multiple chins are not cute.
372. My Boss sent me home today. Apparently, “the later I get here, the quicker this ends” isn’t the right answer for “why are you late?”
373. Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
374. I remember way too many small details about people so i have to act dumb sometimes so I don’t freak them out.
375. Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person is typing… Person says: hi
376. Hiding your favorite food from the rest of your family.
377. I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
378. Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can’t do is pick up it’s own poop. You’re just a poop collector.
379. No one in the history of the world has made the right amount of pasta without leftovers.
380. There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people with stupid mouths forming stupid words.
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