started as a lie

21

over the first few months of us being engaged, everything was good. we were happy. our families met often. we always visited. me and leah were in a very good place.

until we weren't. things started to go downhill for us.

we weren't falling out of love with each other or anything. just lack of communication maybe?

it felt like leah didn't give me any time anymore. she was always studying or going in to do lessons. i felt pushed aside. it's been like this for maybe a month now. and it hurts. she doesn't come down to eat with me. she doesn't come to bed until late.

i went in to leah's study and saw her with her laptop.

"leah" i said quietly.

"what's up?" she asked, not looking away from the screen.

"leah can you look at me?" i asked.

she sighed and turned her chair to face me.

"i was just wondering if you wanted to go out tonight?" i asked.

"i cant, i've got this assignment due in tomorrow and i'm not even nearly finished" she said.

"oh, it just feels like i haven't spent any time with you and i guess i just miss you" i said.

"what do you mean? we see each other all the time" she defended.

"no we don't, training is literally the only time we see each other. you don't eat with me anymore and you always come to bed late. it feels like your avoiding me or something" i said truthfully.

"don't be stupid sophia" she said.

"do you even still love me" i asked tearfully.

"are you being serious" she laughed.

i waited for her answer.

"then say it" i said.

"sophia your joking me right?" she said with disbelief. i shook my head. why won't she just say it.

"i love you sophia" she said.

it didn't sound too genuine.

"i'm going to make dinner" i said and walked out.

i shut the door behind me and let the tears spill from my eyes.

i went to the kitchen and cooked some food.

i sat alone and ate. i didn't expect to see leah for the rest of the evening. i cried to myself until my eyes were red and puffy.

she came down and put some food in a plate.

"sophia why are you being like this?" she asked.

"like what? i barely even see you and it's like you don't even want to talk to me. it's like you don't love me anymore" i said.

"i cant deal with this right now" she said and took her food upstairs.

after that, things only got worse.

we started arguing a lot more. there were days when leah didn't even come to bed, she probably slept in her old room. and the next morning she would have already left for training.

i hated being like this.

i didn't know what to do.

i've been crying a lot more but surprisingly nobody had picked up on it yet. nobody has noticed our 'problems' or 'rough patch' or whatever you want to call it.

or so i thought.

i went to training and got out of my car. i took a deep breath and wiped my tears.