started as a lie

67

TW: mentions of self harm

a/n: if you haven't already, read the chapter 'talking' by Arsenal_Lionesses

lilys pov
i woke up alone in the morning. i felt really bad and blamed myself for lauryns self harm.
for the past week it's been really weird not having lauryn beside me in bed.

i got up and got ready. i went downstairs and saw sophia on the sofa.

sophia's pov
lily came and sat beside me. i put my arm around her and she leaned into me.

"you okay hon" i asked.
"hmm" she was chewing the inside of her mouth.
"talk to me lil" i said.

"i'm worried about lauryn. and i feel like she did that to herself because of me." she said.

"don't beat yourself up baby. there's nothing that you can do to change what happened" i said.

"well what can i do to help her" she asked.

"uhm i guess communication is a big thing. also don't make a huge deal about it but you still should speak about it at some point. try and be as normal as possible. maybe go out with her today. don't rush into things too quickly you need to build your way back to where you were" i said.

"thanks mum" she said. she got up and went to the kitchen to make breakfast and i messaged katie.

me: hey katie, how's lauryn?
katie: she's doing alright. probably better knowing that her and lily will be okay. she didn't want to speak about it to me so i'm not going to push her too hard. she might open up to lily more so yeah i don't know.
me: lily wants to go out with her today, do you think she'll be up for it?
katie: yeah she's tough she'll be fine.
me: runs in the blood
katie: it does.

lilys pov
i made myself breakfast and messaged lauryn.

me: hey lau, just wondering how your doing? x
lauryn: hi lil, i'm doing alright x
me: do you want to go out somewhere? if your not up for it then it's fine and we can stay home. unless you don't feel like being around me today x
lauryn: of course i want to be around you baby, we can go out if you want idm x
me: alr where should we go? x
lauryn: we can just go into town and do a bit of shopping x
me: okay i'll meet you at 11 x
lauryn: okay x

i finished my breakfast and then got ready to leave.

"i'm going out with lauryn" i said to sophia.
"alright be safe, love you" she said.
"love you" i said and left.

i went and met lauryn at her house.

she came out and i hugged her.
"you alright lau" i asked. she nodded.

"how are your arms" i asked.
"alright" she said. "katie changed my bandages this morning"

she pulled up her sleeves and showed me.

i took her hand and we started walking.
"do you want to talk about it" i asked as we walked.

"i guess" she said. "uhm i think it's probably because one of my biggest fears is not being loved the way i love others. i kinda felt like you didn't love me when you were spending time with daisy. i know you were just looking out for her because she's your best friend and i'm really sorry that just assumed you would be cheating. i know that you wouldn't do that i just thought the worst and i'm sorry for not believing you and trusting you"

"i'm sorry that i made you feel like that baby. i never meant to i was just worried about daisy. it hurt when you thought i was cheating because we have spoken about what we want in our future. you know your the only one i want. i love you so much. i care about you so much. i don't ever want you to be hurt." i said.

we walked around the shopping centre and went into a few shops. we went and got some supplies like bandages for lauryn then we went to have lunch in the food court.

we went to pizza hut and shared a margarita pizza. after that we walked around a little bit more and decided to go home.

"should we go mine or yours" i asked.
"i don't mind" she said.

we went back to my house.
i opened the door and walked in. mia came running at us and jumped at lauryn.

"mia careful" i said.
"sorry lauryn" she said.
"it's alright" she said.

we went into the living room.

"hi lau" leah said.
"you alright darling" sophia asked.

"hi. yeah i'm good" she said.

"don't be getting in each others pants already" sophia joked.

"mum" i said embarrassedly, my face turning red.

"only joking girls" she said.
lauryn and leah laughed.

i held her hand and took her upstairs.

we sat on my bed.
"how's your arms?" i asked her.
she pulled up her sleeves and there was a little bit of blood.
"need to change the bandages" she said.
"should i get leah or sophia" i asked. she nodded.

i went downstairs and got leah since sophia was doing something.

she came up and unwrapped lauryns bandages, she cleaned everything up and rewrapped them.

she gave us a smile before leaving.

lauryn gave me a quick kiss. i kissed her back for longer with more passion. my hand went to her jaw.

"i don't feel like having sex right now" she said awkwardly.

"that's okay baby. i didn't expect you to anyway" i said. "we can just cuddle if you want"

i lay down and told lauryn to lay down.

she lay on my chest and i wrapped my arms around her.

"i love you laur" i said. i stroked through her hair.
"i love you too lily" she said.

we lay together, enjoying each other's company until later sophia knocked on the door.

"come in" i said. she walked in and smiled when she saw us.

"lauryn are you staying over tonight" she asked.

"i probably shouldn't" she said.

"will you stay for dinner?" she asked.

"yeah" lauryn said.

"alright dinners almost done. i'll shout youse when it's ready" she said.

after a while, leah came up and said dinners done. we went downstairs and ate dinner.

after that lauryn went home.
"see you later love" leah said.
"bye lau" sophia said.

"bye guys thank you" lauryn said.

i stepped outside with lauryn.
"message me when you get home okay?" i said. she nodded.
"i love you" i said, hugging her.
"i love you" she said back. she kissed my cheek and walked away.

i went back in and sat down with my mums before going upstairs.

lauryn: hey baby i'm home now x
me: that's good, everything okay? x
lauryn: all fine. i'm tired so i'm gonna sleep now x
me: alright love you x
lauryn: love you x

i got myself ready for bed before getting in and watching something on my laptop and then going to sleep.