Halo | 18+

chapter fifty eight

- AURELIA JONES -

At first, I didn't believe him.

I didn't believe anyone.

They tried to explain that they found her alive but she'd succumbed to her injuries before they could do anything.

Those bastards murdered her. They killed an innocent child. My blood boiled with anger, regret and guilt. I hate myself that I couldn't save her or protect her.

It only became a reality when the boys showed me the freshly dug grave they'd made for her in the backyard. Writing her name on a piece of carved wood, they laid in the dirt pile.

Now here I lay, in bed. Where I've been for the past two days wallowing in my own self pity. I hadn't stopped crying, and my head ached from lack of sleep and dehydration.

Every now and then Angel would come in and try to get me to eat something, eventually she'd just give up and change my bandages instead.

It was the middle of the night, Shoju was asleep next to me with his arm wound tightly around my waist, relieving the pressure off my stomach.

I felt like a zombie. Barely being able to breathe or speak without wanting to breakdown into a puddle of tears.

I can't stop thinking about how terrified she must have been, scared and alone. I'm glad everyone was there with her before she died. Even if they couldn't do anything, I'm glad she wasn't alone.

I wish it was me though.

Pushing my face into the pillow to muffle my cries, I curled myself further into a ball, shaking from the pain and anguish I was feeling. She was only a kid, and I was meant to protect her. I failed her, and her Mom. I even failed Doctor Jacks, who was a horrible person but a good Dad.

Maybe this is karma for ruining his plans.

My eyes hurt from crying as I wiped them on the back of my sleeves.

I was sleeping in Shoju's shirt as all of mine had been sweated or bled through.

He was shirtless currently, his stomach pressed against my back with one of his legs pressed against mine, the other stretched out along the bed. I wanted to move, to cuddle him, to feel comfort but I feel like I don't deserve it.

I don't deserve to live.

Why did she have to die. She didn't do anything.

Shoju's hand moved from my abdomen. He lifted his shirt and rested it on my bare skin, "It wasn't your fault, okay?" He whispered soothingly, "You're not doing yourself anything by crying over it."

His words were harsh, but they were the truth.

I didn't say anything, "I know it's hard and it will suck for a long time, but she doesn't have to worry about anything anymore. No walkers or infections or scary things in the night. She's probably safer wherever she is now."

I tucked my head into the crook of his neck, feeling his heartbeat against my back, "Everything's going to be alright, I promise."

His sleepy voice is so sexy, the half-asleep half-awake sort of thing.

"It's not fair." I said back.

"No, it's not. And I'm so sorry you didn't get to say goodbye."

His comment only made me cry harder, but instead of judging me or telling me to be quiet, he held me against him, letting me cry and feel the things I didn't want to feel. I sobbed, soaking the shirt I was in and the skin of his shoulder.