Again

1

It was a sunny day in the Dominican Republic. I woke up early, took a long shower and made some breakfast. Today was the third day of shooting my new movie 'Shotgun Wedding'. I made a pact with myself to not let anything distract me from my time here. My relationship with Alex is on the rocks and I feel like I am ready to leave him. We don't communicate much. I never send him texts and I never call him, however he does. Sometimes I feel the need to give a quick answer, but I am dedicated to not give him any attention while I am focused on filming this movie. The cocos came with me for a couple of days, so it felt good to have them close to me. Their energy always made me happy and it felt good to see that they were also happy to see me happier than I was months ago.

The day went by, I did my shots and it was very fun to work with the cast. I am sure it is going to be a good movie and something the public will like. The cocos were already asleep while I did my night routine, including taking a shower again and do my skin care routine. While I was busy applying the products on my face, I heard the sound of a notification on my phone. I walked to grab my phone to see what the notification was. I saw that it was a new email, and I was shocked when I saw from who it was. I was kind of afraid to open the email, but somehow I found the strenght to do it. I started to read the words, while at the same time I tried to get my head around the fact that it was from him. I did not hear from him for a while. It was not new for us to have some contact from time to time, but somehow the timing felt different now.

"Hi Jen,
How are you doing? I saw that you are filming in the DR and I am honestly so jealous. I'm currently filming in Boston. Although I like working with George, I was rather somewhere sunny like you are.
I wanted to say that I was asked to comment on InStyle Magazine as it is an issue about you. You know that I didn't need to hesitate to talk about you, so I did made a few comments. I hope you will like it, and I hope to hear from you soon. Also, tell me if there is anything that I can do for you.

Ben"

My heart was beating fast as I was reading the email over and over again. I was reading his name over and over again, trying to realize that he send me an email again after a while. Although the email was not something romantic, I felt emotional. Tears were streaming down my face, and I knew it was because I missed him. I always missed him, but it felt different now. I knew I felt that way partly because my heart was broken again by another man, but it was also because I was genuinely touched by his sweet gesture of letting me know he thought about me.
As I was slowly forcing myself to lay down in bed, I could not help thinking about him. I wondered how he was doing and if he missed me too. Off course, I was aware that he was single too, but that was something I read about and not something I directly heard from him. I knew that in this business it was important to not believe everything that the media said, so I still was not sure about that part. I tried to question myself if it would be a problem if he wouldn't be single, and I figured out that I hoped that he really was. Maybe it was because I am single myself now, but I secretly always hoped he was too.
As I closed my eyes I thought about the times we had. It was long ago, but most memories were still very clear in my head. I thought about the way he made me laugh, the way he took care of me, the way he used to kiss me and always looked after me. It was a kind of love I never felt after that, something I was always missing. Our love was far from perfect, but it was the imperfection in it that made it perfect. I knew in my heart that he had always been the one. It was hard to move on, but I also felt like I had no choice. I never blamed him from moving on too, but I also knew that things between us could have been different if we would get another chance. As I was thinking about him, I was also getting a little mad on myself. I promised myself to not let anything distract me from filming, and here I am, not able to sleep because of him. Instead of closing my eyes again, I grabbed my phone to open the email again. As I was reading the words again, I felt like I was ready to send him an email back.

"Hi Ben,
I am doing okay, how are you?
Filming here is amazing! I can understand why you are jealous, although I am sure Boston must be fun too. Thank you for letting me know about the magazine. I appreciate it. Maybe we can call someday if you want to.

Jennifer"

I immediately pressed the send button and I immediately regretted the last part of the email. I could not remember the last time I heard his voice, and it made me sad to realize that it was so long ago that I couldn't even remember it well. As I thought about it, it was not regret what I felt, but it was anxiety. Deep down I knew he would call me whenever I asked, but I was also scared to hear his voice again, because I knew what it would do to me.