Again

15

I felt that I was tossing and turning in bed. It is a weird feeling when you realize you're having a nightmare, without having the ability to wake up. My heart was beating fast and I felt that my body was shaking. Eventually, I heard Ben's voice nearby me.
"Jen, are you okay?" While I wasn't able to answer, my eyes suddenly widened open. I saw him slightly hanging above my face. He was looking at me with concerned eyes while he softly caressed my cheek as I tried to breathe normally again.

"Breathe in through your nose, and out of your mouth." He whispered.
I carefully listened to his calming voice and did what he said. He pressed a soft kiss on my forehead and grabbed a tissue to wipe the sweat away from my face. I closed my eyes as I tried to concentrate on my breathing.
"What time is it?" I asked while I slowly opened my eyes again.
He grabbed his phone to check the time. "It's 3.30 am".
"Okay." I whispered. He looked at me with a lopsided smile.
"Bad dream?"
I nodded. "More like a nightmare."
He looked at me with a sad face. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. But you're okay now. And I'm right  here if you feel like talking about it."
The way he took care of me was something unique. I didn't remember any man who ever took care of me the way he always did. He was always genuinely concerned about me and his protectiveness was one thing about him that I appreciated the most.
"It was just something bad. I don't really wanna say it." I whispered.
"You know you can say anything to me." He reassured me.
I inhaled deeply. "It was just like I was losing you. And I felt completely panicked. It brought back all those heavy emotions of the past."
He looked at me with a sad face.
"I'm sorry. I'm here, and I won't leave." He whispered while he held me closely in his arms. The heavy emotions were still evident in my body. The dream felt so real. I could feel myself panicking because of the idea of losing Ben.

"Babe, you're still shaking." He whispered as he tried to calm me down by caressing my whole body. "I don't know what your nightmare was about, but nothing's going to happen to me, okay? Or to us." He continued.
I looked at him and stared in his eyes for a while.
"Sorry for waking you up." I said with a shaky voice.
"You don't need to be. I'm here." He said as he gave me a tender kiss.
"You know, in my previous relationships.. I often had those panic attacks. And nobody was able to calm me down the way you do." I whispered.
I wanted him to know that he was the only one who made me feel this way, the only one who I could be vulnerable with.
"Jen, I'm going to make sure that everything will be alright."

After a chaotic night, I decided to make some breakfast for Ben and the kids. I woke up earlier than Ben did, and after what happened hours ago, I didn't want him to wake up. Although I knew that he needed to go to work. I noticed that the kids were also still asleep.
I made some toast, and made coffee the way Ben liked. As I opened the door of our room, I saw that he was still sleeping on his stomach. He looked so cute, and as much as I hated to do it, he asked me yesterday to wake him up early so that he could be at work on time for his meeting.
I walked towards him, as I took place on the bedside. I went through his hair with my fingers as I pressed kisses on his neck and cheek.
"Baby, you need to wake up." I whispered.
At first, he didn't move, but after some kisses I noticed that he suddenly opened his eyes.
"Good morning to me." He whispered.
"Good morning." I smiled.
"Is it already time?"
"Yeah, I made you some breakfast. You can go shower and eat, before you go to work."
He smiled at me and pulled me closer to hug me.
"Are you okay now?" He whispered in my ear.
"Yes. And I decided to take the day off. Maybe I should take it all a little easier." I said.
He looked at me with surprised eyes.
"You're actually listening to me? That's new." He joked.
I smiled as I still looked into his eyes.
"Yes. I do. And you actually also need to listen to me. It's time to leave the bed."
"Okay, but not before you'll lay down with me for 5 more minutes." And before I knew it, he playfully pulled me next to him in bed.
"Should I take the kids to school?" He asked as I was lying on his chest.
I looked at him with a surprised face. "You would like to do that?"
"Off course." He smiled.
"I think they would love that. I will go to their rooms to wake them up." I said.
"No, you should stay here in bed. I'll do that. I'll take care of it." He reassured me.
He stepped out of bed and pressed a kiss on my forehead.
"I'll know you're not used to it, but I really want you to take your rest. And don't worry about anything else."
"Ben, I -"
"Sst. I'll wake the kids up, go to shower, go to eat, drop them off at school and go to work. And you'll have a day for yourself."
I looked at him with a bright smile. "I love you."
"I love you too, beautiful."