Again

8

I didn't see much of the movie he picked. Instead of watching, I fell asleep on the couch. My head was on his shoulder while my left hand rested on his chest. I felt his hands slowly touching my face.
"I'm taking you upstairs to your bed." He whispered.
I grumbled. Not wanting to leave the safe place I was in, which was simply in his arms.
He didn't listen, and lifted me up instead. I felt how he walked upstairs and tried to look for my room. While all I wanted was to stay in his arms forever. He slowly let me down on my bed, ready to tuck me in.
"Im not going to sleep with my dress on." I said with a slow voice while my eyes were still closed. "You can grab that t-shirt on the chair for me, I'll put that on." I added.

While he walked to the chair, I tried to open the back zipper of my dress. Of course, that was not going to work. Especially not when I felt this tired. "Let me help you." He insisted.
I didn't hear any hesitation in his voice, or a way to take any advantage of the situation. He genuinely wanted to take care of me, even when I was already used to take care of myself. He was the only man I trusted when I came to being vulnerable without wanting something back from me. He respected me and always used to love me the way I am.

He slowly opened my zipper, tried not to damage my dress in any way, and handed me the t-shirt. I stood up to fully take the dress off my body. It was in that moment that I realized that I was almost naked in front of him, but it didn't feel weird in any way. It's probably the long history between us that didn't make situations like this weird, however it was also new in a way. I fastly took my bra off, aware of the situation of him being in front of me, and then I put my t-shirt on.
"Let me tuck you in." He said.
I smiled while I let him tuck me in. It was like I didn't fully realize what was happening. Him being in my room and tucking me in. It was like a dream, something I could never imagine to happen again.

He covered me in my warm sheets while he sat down closely to me. His hand slowly going through my hair and touching my face. He did that for a few minutes, I think that he was waiting for me to fall asleep. But he was wrong. Even though that I was tired, I would never manage to fall asleep with him sitting next to me on my bed.
"Don't leave." I whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Please, don't leave." I said again. I slowly opened my eyes.
"You wanna watch that movie again?" He laughed.
"No." I chuckled. I slowly grabbed his hand. Our fingers intertwined. He took his shoes off and took place next to me in my bed. He was sitting down with his back leaning on the headboard. "I'm staying." He whispered.
I was still holding his hand, part of me afraid for him to leave.

It was 3 am when I suddenly woke up. I immediately realized I was not alone in bed. He was sleeping next to me. His head was on the pillow next to mine, while his hand was touching my arm. I analyzed his face. Even though it was dark, I still could see every detail clearly. He was so handsome. He was always that tough guy, but when he was asleep I could witness his vulnerability. I liked that. He was everything I needed, and I found myself falling deeply in love with him again. It was something I didn't want to admit yet, nor to him or to myself, but deep down I knew it was the case. I couldn't stop the emotions I felt whenever he was near to me. The way that I wanted to spend every minute with him. We already lost so much in 18 years. I didn't want to lose any more time. I slowly touched his face. It was not my intention to wake him up, but before I knew he opened his eyes. It was in that moment of time where words weren't needed. It was like it was the first time that we looked in each others eyes again. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. He saw how I struggled with my feelings, how I was scared but at the same time wanting him close to me. It was not in my intentions to confuse him, but that's how I felt.
"I'm sorry." I said.
"For what?"
"For being so messy."
He smiled. "You're not messy."
He started to touch my face while I closed my eyes.
"Everytime I look at you, I see the same person I saw 18 years ago. You think you changed, but to me you are still the same person I once felt deeply in love with. You are still that girl." He said.
His words almost made me tear up. He was right. I was focused on everything that changed between us, but it was evident that we were still the same people who once fell in love with each other, who once almost promised each other forever. Even our changed lives didn't change our love. Even all the people that entered our lives in those years weren't able to change our love. Even time didn't change anything. Our love was meant to be and worth fighting for, even if we were scared to take the leap of faith.

"Ben?"
"Hmm?" He responded with his eyes closed.
"I don't wanna be scared anymore." I said.
He opened his eyes.
"Then we both aren't scared anymore."