Again

36

Ben surprised me by making me bath, which made me the happiest girl. I smiled at him while he looked at me with an adorable look on his face.

"I want us to enjoy this last night to the fullest, before we will enter our busy lives again.." he smiled.

Although we both missed the kids, it was much needed to have some quality time together.
I started to undress, while Ben took place on the chair that he placed next to the tub. He looked at me with dreamy eyes while I took my underwear off. It was in those moments that he had the ability to still make me shy, which was funny since he saw me this way so many times. I took place in the tub as he started to massage my shoulders while he placed a kiss on my hair. I felt so in peace while being showered with his love, that I couldn't believe that I lived without him for so long.

I turned around to stare at him, just to realize that he was real and in front of me. He just got his hair and beard done, which made him even more irresistible to me.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" He suddenly asked.

I smiled at him while giving him a surprised look. I didn't expect a question like this.

"I do." I smiled. "Of course I do."

He smiled back while he caressed my face.

"Why do you ask that?" I smiled.

"I don't know. I was just thinking about it. Something in your look now reminded me of that moment." He whispered.

I remember how he wanted to kiss me for a long time before we really did it. He never really said it to me, but I could always see by the look at his face that he was ready to. There was just always that tension between us, one that I was not ready to admit to. But I knew, off couse I knew.
But then, at that specific night weeks after we filmed our movie, I called him. I told him that I was ready to see him again, after I told him that I needed time to think about us. And I really took that time, however, I couldn't stop thinking about him. His face was flashing through my mind every second, and I missed his appearance around me. Everything inside of me screamed that I wanted to be with him, and that he might was the one for me.

He came over to my house, looked deeply in my eyes, and kissed me for the first time. It was soft,  sweet, and a little short, but enough to set my whole body on fire. I wanted more, and it didn't took long until we fully gave in. That was the night that everything changed. My whole life changed, there was a time before and after that day.

I never felt more loved and wanted until that moment. He cherished me, marveled at every part of me and admired me in every way. And so did I. He was the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. The smartest in the room, the funniest, and above all the sweetest. He knew me in a way that I didn't even knew myself.

"You know how much I love you, right?" He said.

"Baby.." I smiled while I caressed his face. "Whats's wrong?" I said with a worried look on my face.

He smiled back while he took place in front of me in the tub.

"Nothing. Sometimes it's just overwhelming to me that you are here, in front of me. There was a long time that I thought that I would never be this way with you again. And it hurt me to a level that I can't explain. And I don't want to, because I don't want to bother you with it." He said with a said voice.

It hurt me to see him being in pain, but I knew that it was important that he was open about his feelings. Especially because I knew that he always had a hard time opening up about things that were difficult for him to talk about.

"You always say how you want me to say the truth about how I feel. And I want you to do that too. You know that you can say everything to me, right?" I said while giving him a reassuring look.

For a minute, he didn't answer me, which resulted in me getting out of the tub.

He signed while he helped me out the tub, certainly not happy with me going out.

"Babe, I didn't want to ruin this moment, I want you to enjoy sitting in the tub." He said.

I took a towel and dried myself before I took my bathrobe on. Ben's look still worried me, and I was not going to stay in the tub until he talked to me, but really 'talked'.

"Honey, I know you love me. Off course I know. You don't need to worry about anything of that. But what I want is for you to be honest to me. I know that you had a difficult time, difficult years. But you are not that man anymore, you changed." I smiled.

Tears were slowly streaming down his face while he held me close.

"It's just that in those years all I really wanted was for you to know how sorry I was about everything that I did in the past. And how I wished that none of it had happened, because I still loved you. I always did. And no one did ever replace you. You always felt like a part of me, and it hit me in those years how much I did you wrong."

His words really touched me, even if I already knew parts of it. It was still hard for us to talk about the past, although we both knew that it was much needed.

"Babe.. Ben..it's all over now. I'm here. You're here. This is our new beginning."

He nodded while he still held me close. And I felt like that was all that comfort that he needed.