Again

25

"Good morning, baby." Ben whispered in my ear.
I felt how he was gently caressing my face, trying to wake me up. I slowly opened my eyes, and still felt very tired. I was so happy that he came home last night, but the downside was that I started to feel very sick before he came home. It was like I became literally psychically sick that he was away for a while.

"Honey, you need to drink some water."
He sweetly said to me as he handed me a glass.
I gave him a little smile back as I drank the water. He took the best care of me, and it was heartwarming to see what he did for me.

"I'm so tired of being sick. I need to work again, I've no time to be sick." I said with a sigh.

"What? Work? No, you won't." He strictly said to me while he checked my temperature.
"You're crazy, you know that?" He continued.

I felt too tired to respond on him and closed my eyes again. I felt how he took place next to me in bed and pulled me on his chest. Feeling him nearby me was everything I needed. I deeply inhaled his scent, and that was the best feeling in the world.

"By the way, I dropped the kids off at school. I told them that you were still asleep, so that's why they didn't say goodbye." He said while he was playing with my hair with his fingers.
I smiled by his words, and felt incredibly grateful for everything that he did for me. I tilled my head up to look at him and gave him a long kiss on his lips.

"Well, that was sweet." He said while he smiled at me.

"Thank you, you're the best." I said while I nestled myself on his chest again. I couldn't even remember the last time that I felt this sick, or someone taking care of me the way he did.

"Ben, I appreciate all you do but I don't want you to feel the need that you need to take care of me.. I will be fine." I whispered.

I heard how he signed and wanted me to look at him.

"You would do the same for me, huh?" He said with a calm voice.

I nodded. "Off course I would."

"Well, then this isn't something you should question." He said while he kissed my head.

Although I knew he was right, I needed to adjust to the idea that I wasn't on my own anymore. Whenever I was in other relationships, I always still felt myself partly on my own. I was used to take care of myself and the kids without anyone helping us that much. Whenever I felt sick I continued to work. And when thst wasn't possible, I made sure to continue to work the next day.
With Ben it was different. He forced me to rest, even if I didn't want to. His reasoning was that he wanted me to take good care of myself, that was the only way I would be able to be good for others. I knew that he was right, and he was the only one that I was really listening to.

For years, I continued to work and work without anyone stopping me. Even if I didn't feel good, I was always expecting the best of myself. It was hard, but I had the idea that I couldn't expect something else from myself. I had that 'all or nothing' mentality that took me so far in life,, in my career. However, Ben showed me how important it was to show up for myself too.
There were many things that I never talked about, and that I always kept to myself. And now I finally felt like I had a true partner with whom I could share anything.

"There's something I wanted to ask you." He whispered.

"Hmm, what is it?" I curiously asked.
"I've been invited for the Venice Film Festival that will take place in a few weeks, for the premiere of my movie. You know how spectacular that festival is.. and I thought it might be a nice way for our official red carpet debut."

I was genuinely surprised and excited for his idea. I couldn't wait to shine with him in the carpet again after so many years.

"So, you're asking me on a date?" I teasingly said.
"Yes, I am." He smiled.

"That would be amazing. I can't wait." I said while we gave each other a kiss.

I could already feel the excitement and butterflies in my whole body. I could already sense how special that night would be.

"The day is september 10..". He said with a slightly shaking voice.

Now I understood why he was slightly hesitated to ask me. It was the day that we announced that we canceled our wedding that was supposed to take place 18 years ago.

"Baby, we'll only look forward by now. Everything that happened is already behind us. It's a new start, a new beginning." I said while he looked deeply in my eyes. It was like he was too stunned to say something which didn't happen often, so I continued talking.

"What if I will put on a white dress on, next to you in a smoking. It will be symbolic for our new start."

He smiled at me while I saw that his eyes got teary.

"That would be amazing. I love you so much, more than you'll ever know." He whispered while he held me tight in his arms.