Sally Sentinence
From ages 0-4 I was sent to a babysitter, Sally Sentinence. I would arrive in the morning and while I don't recall my exact schedule I do distinctly remember I had to sit in the living room quiet while she watched soap operas for hours, it was imaginative castration to be consistently exposed to something so bland. I think this was a factor in my tendency to refuse to think and prevalence to disassociate all day because I couldn't comprehend what was happening. It was just like listening to people talk from behind a closed door for 8 hours. Anyways the only luxury I was allowed was 30 minutes to watch the show Madeline. The remaining 7.5 hours I did what Sally Sentinence wanted to do and watch what she wanted to watch.
Another memory that sticks out was there was a baby and a 2-year-old also being babysat by Sally Sentinence I was 3 at the time. I believe humans learn observed behavior so my treatment at home by my family made me hate whenever the other 2-year-old was happy. I think the only logical explanation for my behavior was that I must have suffered abuse at age 2 before my memories began to form.
There is a psychology experiment involving children and being exposed towards violence. The basics is there is an air filled clown resembling a punching bag. Two groups of children were tested to see their reaction towards observing adult figures and their treatment of the clown. One group was around an adult that began punching and hitting the clown in front of the child. The other group saw an adult hugging and touching the clown in a gentle way. The end result is what you would expect. Each group of children exactly immolated their adult's treatment of the clown showing that a child around violence learns that violence is acceptable and a behavior to be repeated without conscience.
So from that experiment I think it must have been my brother since my memories that began at age 3, that taught me the behaviors. My parents were never physical with each other or ever fought outside of words and my sister was my protector, that leaves one person responsible for my maladapted youthful malevolence, Bryce Greenewell
YOU ARE READING
Searching for the Answer
Non-FictionThis is a compilation of stories involving childhood abuse and trauma through a first-person impactful perspective mostly chronological. It is my story and is not fabricated in any way. I am posting just to get feedback thank you.
