A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

8: Love and Hate

Rhysand

Azriel was a mess.

After she died, I didn't think I'd ever see him this out of sorts ever again. But there he was, hair messed, armor pinned on sloppily, red rimmed eyes, his face utterly feral as he poured over a map of Hybern. His shadows swirled around him like a tornado, flying in every direction, as if they had no idea what they were looking for.

But I knew.

I knew what those shadows were so desperate to find.

The truth, as Feyre had explained and then showed me, was that my sister was alive. She was alive, and Tamlin had known the entire time. Everything in Hybern, it was all a ruse to get the king to break the blood bargain my father had made with her. I saw her in Feyre's mind, wings intact, head on her body, strolling into the Spring Court palace. I saw her laughing with Tamlin about what I would do when I found out. I saw her smiling at Feyre.

I'd always wanted a sister.

Love what you've done with the place, Tam.

You can afford a new palace.

It couldn't have been a ruse, and if it was, it was a good one. But what use would this bring Tamlin? Did he think it would sway Feyre in his direction? But he had known, he had known the bond did not break, known that Feyre was pretending to be freed from my chains, and yet he went along with it? All for this plan? All to free her?

And if that was the truth, if what Feyre saw in his mind was the truth, then Tamlin had let me murder his family to keep it secret.

And it only left me with more questions.

Was he that loyal to her, that he would sacrifice his family to keep her survival a secret? What had my sister done to envoke my father's wrath? And if it wasn't the Spring Court who had killed my mother and left my sister to die, who had?

And maybe all my questions, the frantic search, it was all a way to avoid the truth. Maybe I didn't want to admit that she was alive. I didn't want to confront the possibility that it was all real, because if that was true... if all of it was true...

My sister was alive, in the hands of Hybern. And even before that, she had been alone. Cauldron knows where she was, or what she had been doing... but she was alone.

And I had sworn, on the day she was born, on the day of her coronation, on every moment that she was with me, that I would protect her. It was my job. I was her big brother, her protector, the one who was meant to keep her safe, the one who was meant to chase away the evil... and if all of it was true- I had failed. Undeniably worse than I had when I believed she was dead.

She had gone to hell, and I hadn't followed.

"I think we should try Amarantha's old camp first." I mused, shaking my thoughts from my mind.

Feyre and Cassian were placing pins on a map of Hybern. Azriel was slumped in a chair, looking like hell warmed over. I wasn't sure he had stopped shaking since we returned from the Spring Court. Tomorrow morning, we would invade Hybern. The four of us would go to each location on the map, a shot in the dark to try and locate her. If Azriel could get a sense of her from the shadows or the mating bond, if any of us could scent her, if Feyre could recognize the power in her veins that was so close to mine. It was a ridiculous plan, and we had no proof that any of it would work. Most likely, we'd end up getting dragged down to whatever corner of darkness she was being held in. I'm not so sure Azriel would have minded, if only to see her again. The desperation pouring off of him was tangible in the air.

It was a stupid plan, but none of us could go on like this. This unending panic, this deep feeling that we needed to be doing something. Mor was nearly unreachable, beside herself with pain. She volunteered to stay with Amren and keep tabs on the city, but I'd be in contact with her in the inevitable case we were caught. Cassian was so quiet, like a simmering fire. I could feel it within him, the slightest spark and he would turn into an inferno. Even Feyre, my beautiful mate with her ceaseless human heart, was slowly growing more and more on edge as the days passed. She had been doing so well, trying to keep herself in check to be there for me. But I knew it was there, like the brutal edges of ice, freezing cold so deep it burned in her soul.