A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

2: Silence

Azriel

11 months after the wall

They're waiting for the Winter Solstice to pass, and then they'll defect. My shadows sung, a delicate tune in my ears.

It was all I really needed to know. The High Lord had sent me to the northernmost Illyrian steppes to gather information about unrest in the camps following the war. I knew with that information alone, they'd disappear before we reached Solstice. Still, I maintained my perch in the tree, gathering more intel.

I didn't want to give him any reason to call upon me in the morning.

We were all meeting at the cabin, taking a day to soak up the autumn air, fish, spar, do whatever we pleased. Our entire family would be present, which seemed so rare and fleeting these days. However, that wasn't the reason I was so excited.

I'd made the decision a few days ago, after overhearing a conversation the High Lord was having. Now that the war was over, the High Lord thought he'd make a show of the healing tensions between the opposing courts by finally making good on the betrothal. Leur and Tamlin's wedding date would be set for a week before the Spring Solstice. And I knew I'd lose my chance, lose my mate, if I didn't say something soon.

So tomorrow, I'd face it. I'd give her the opportunity to claim or reject me, and whatever she chose, whatever made her happiest, that's what I'd do. Tamlin was her best friend, and if she wanted to honor the betrothal- I'd find a way to live with it. I barely let myself consider the other possibility, the possibility of a life with her. It was a dream, so unattainable, some kind of heaven that would banish the darkness inside of me.

Something pushed down the bond, happiness, freedom. She was flying, I realized. She always felt so content when she was flying, and it had always been one of my favorite things to feel coming down the bond. I let a soft smile grace my face as I returned to my musings.

If she did accept me, the odds are it would require her to give up her status. Her father would never allow her to be with a bastard born Illyrian, no matter how much I bent myself backwards trying to impress the man. He wouldn't allow it on the principle alone. I'd spent years wallowing on it, wondering if I could ask her to give up her life to be with me. I knew no matter what I did, I'd never deserve her. But I was done denying her the opportunity to make the choice herself.

They're slowly storing supplies away, 6 miles northwest from their camp. The shadows whispered again, A trench concealed by a fallen log at the base of an evergreen tree, half a mile from shore. They have stores of food, but are running low on weapons-

Fear shot down the bond, distracting my shadows from their intel. For a moment, it paralyzed me, and then it fizzled out and the bond went still. I couldn't feel her. There was no lavender smoke swirling in my mind, no constant stream of ever-changing emotions, no music. It was silent, that golden bond swallowed by endless darkness.

The panic consumed me, just for a few seconds. I remembered all the times she shielded me before, even without knowing it. During the war, I heard nothing from her for over 5 months once. Our bond had been so much stronger since Starfall, so much clearer. She hadn't put up a shield since then, so that impenetrable silence had to just be a result of that.

But the fear, my breath caught on the fear. She should have been in Velaris, the unbreakable city that had remained safe for years. I forced myself to remain calm. It could have been anything. A spider in the hall, Cassian playing a prank on her, a strong gust of wind that pushed her wings off course. Just like the bond, my instincts had been on overdrive since last Starfall. I couldn't imagine, even if she did accept me as her mate, that Leur would be happy about me losing my mind at every little spike of fear that slipped down the bond.