A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

6: Strawberries and Shadows

Feyre

It wouldn't be much longer until I could walk. It had been three weeks since that day in Hybern, since that day I watched Rhys' sister step back into this world. My own sisters were not faring well. Elain would barely eat, the date of her would-be wedding fast approaching. I had thought that bringing her to the townhouse, letting her tend to the garden would give her some semblance of peace. Shockingly, Nesta had agreed with me. Yet, Elain remained a shell, soft fingers barely mustering the energy to brush against the petals of a flower, a far-away look in her eyes. I took what I could get, celebrating when she managed to lift a few spoonfuls of grain to her lips each day. Nesta spent most of her time seething. I waited with bated breath to see any ounce of that power I had seen in her eyes in Hybern, but nothing was there. She doted on Elain, snapped at Cassian when he stopped by, and only managed a few conversations with me that did not end in an argument. By all accounts, she seemed her usual self. But I saw what she refused to admit, the haunted look on her face when the room fell silent, the rage boiling deep within. Yet, even Nesta had asked what was wrong with everyone.

The members of the Inner Circle were all beside themselves. Ever since I had told them what I saw, the truth that Tamlin revealed to me, each of them decended into some type of madness. Cassian, who found out a week later than the others, had gone deathly silent. Gone was that unserious Illyrian, the one who teased as he trained me and always seemed to lighten up the room. Now, he was simply just silent. I couldn't think of anything to say to him, didn't know what kind of relationship he shared with Leur or what he thought of her being alive and held captive by Hybern. He offered me nothing, and so I said nothing.

Mor was on a warpath, and I wasn't entirely sure she was completely sane anymore. She had screamed and cried while the others sat in shock, and when it subsided she looked murderous. Weeks passed, slow and grueling as we searched, and that look hadn't faded from her eyes. I hadn't seen Amren since the day after it all, and she seemed to go the same route as Cassian. She said nothing, showed nothing. She had simply gotten up from her seat and left, even as Mor was screaming, as Rhys was shaking as he watched the memories in my mind. As all of it was happening, Amren just claimed she needed to keep working with the book, and left.

And Azriel- those words that Tamlin spoke rang in my head every time I looked at him.

A shadowsinger, like her mate.

I didn't know of another shadowsinger. Perhaps one did exist, but there was no doubt in my mind that the one Tamlin was referring to was Azriel. He was a wreck, as if he was frantically searching for something that didn't exist. He was always calm and collected, the voice of reason amiss the chaos. Now, Azriel was the chaos. I wasn't sure if he had slept since that day, he certainly did not look like it. He had nearly lost his mind when Rhysand ordered him not to go to Hybern. It was a decision we had both come to together, after some long hours of deliberation in those first days. Walking the line between High Lady and friend was more difficult than I thought it would be, especially when Rhys made it look so simple. When it came down to it though, I had to agree that even with how competent Azriel was as a spy, he was too close to the situation to remain level headed. He'd get himself killed, and that wouldn't help anyone. That left us with a legion of spies, though none as proficient as Azriel, and none who had been able to locate where Leur, Tamlin, and Lucien were being held.

I didn't know why nobody had told me about Azriel and Leur. The history there seemed tortured and long. I had been so sure that the only woman the shadowsinger ever noticed was Mor, and no one had even hinted otherwise. Yet, I thought of all the times that I had asked Rhys about them and he had brushed me off, and suddenly it all began to make more sense. Still, I didn't know how many people were aware that they were mates, or if that bond had ever been accepted. All I knew was that Azriel loved Leur, to the point where he would have flown straight to Hybern and let them kill him if he thought it may get her out. So much that not knowing where she was, if she was safe, had driven him nearly mad.