A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

21: Reawakening

Tamlin

152 years after the lie, 5 years since he last saw her

I went back.

Every day, for years on end, I walked through that village. I walked through those forests. Over and over, relentlessly searching, branching farther and farther out.

But she was never there.

When was the last time I had slept an entire night?

How long had I been doing this? Five years? Ten?

All the while punishing myself for being too selfish to keep my mouth shut. She had been here, close, where I could find her, where I could hang on to that last shred of her that remained. I should have said nothing, should have simply settled for whatever was left. We could have become friends, in the direction we were going. And maybe, maybe we could have been more. Maybe I could have gotten what I so desperately wanted all my life, knew that I could never have. Not fully, not truly.

She never would have been mine.

Not since she had met him.

But in a world where she didn't know that he existed, in a world where I would have a hand up over every other male for the sheer fact that I knew her soul- perhaps she could have been.

And I had pissed it away the moment I said Rhysand's name.

It didn't matter. It was a fool's errand. I could never be to her what she was to me and no amount of pining or planning could change it. Could I ever have forgiven myself if I had started a relationship with her, knowing the truth she had forgotten?

Probably not.

And above all else, I was supposed to be her friend. I was supposed to be loyal to her, to do right by her always. So I told myself that I would. I swore to myself that if I found her, I'd tell her everything. No more lies. No more games. No more casual pushing to get her memory back. I'd reveal it all, consequences be damned. And if she hated me for bursting that bubble of ignorance, I'd find a way to live with it. But I owed it to the ghost of my friend, owed it to Rhysand, to ensure that she remembered.

It didn't matter if she never forgived me. I deserved her hate.

The golden waters stopped their flow, pushing me towards the surface as I took a breath. It had been disorienting at first, when I first started passing through. Now, it was simply a routine. I'd climb from the pool, dry myself with my magic, and head in whatever direction I needed to go that day. Relentlessly searching for her, unsure if I'd ever find her, if she was still out here.

So, I swam to the edge of the pool, hands on the soft grassy shoreline as I pushed myself up. The air was chilled, soft autumn leaves crunching under my boots as a warm breeze swirled around me and dried my clothes. I turned east, preparing to winnow to the spot where I had stopped exploring the day prior when the edge of a blade pressed against my neck.

"One more step, and you die." A voice so familiar said. It had been years since I last heard it, I had almost forgotten what the melodies sounded like.

"Leuruna" I breathed, relief pushing through me even with sharp silver at my throat.

"I hear you've been looking for me, Tamlin." Her voice was cold venom in my ear, so much like the way her brother's sounded now.

"That's true." I said, finally catching sight of her as she stepped around to my front. I held my hands up in surrender as I caught sight of her. Soft, beautiful curves, wavy black hair wild around her face, sunkissed golden skin. Her eyes were still that glowing amber, narrowed at me.