A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

48: Moonlight

Azriel

Leur's entire back was covered in bruises.

"Sore", my ass.

I noticed as she was pulling off her leathers, the tattooed smooth skin of her back marred with black and blue smudges. The outline of the rock was indented into her back, even cut through in small scrapes in some places.

"What the fuck?" I growled, stopping her in her tracks.

"What?" She turned around, violet eyes wide and trained on me.

"Your back looks like a smudged painting, that's what." I hissed, pulling her over the mirror. I pulled her hair back and lifted up her cotton tank top as she looked over her shoulder at the tan skin marred with bruises.

"Mother above, Az. You'd think I'm moments from death." She rolled her eyes as she dismissed me, "It's not that bad."

I just blinked at her, letting my face morph into an incredulous look. "Are you going to flip out every time I get a bruise?" She smirked at me, pressing into my chest. Even the electric feel of her bare skin on mine could not distract me, not when all I could see was the bruises in the mirror behind her.

"I'm going to get Feyre." I mumbled, moving to pull away from her. I couldn't look at it any longer.

"You absolutely are not." She hissed, grabbing my hand to stop me, "You're not bothering her for something so stupid."

Something in me cracked, "I can't stand it, Leur. Okay? I can't fucking stand it, just-"

Her face went soft, all of that teasing gone from her tone, "What's wrong?"

Everything that had been coiled up inside me poured out like a flood, everything I hadn't said since her return. "I thought you were dead for 500 years, Leur. I know what it feels like to watch to die, to cry over your dead body, to attend your fucking funeral, and I barely survived it. I barely made it, and that was before we were truly mated."

She just blinked at me, hand still interlocked with mine.

"And every moment since you've been back, it's felt like you were on the brink of being ripped away from me again. You walked back into Prythian, and got taken by Hybern within minutes for fuck's sake. And then you wanted to offer yourself up to Beron, you walked right onto a ship that you knew the King was on, and then the baby-" I took a deep shuddering breath, "I can't fucking imagine what it was like for you. Losing our child and all the shit you endured that night- I know how bad it hurt. I know exactly what it felt like for that fire to light on your skin, to feel your nerves and skin burn away. I know what it felt like when they broke your bones, when they held you down. And I promised myself the moment I realized that you were my mate that you'd never know that pain, and I failed."

"My mate and my child went through that, and I wasn't there. Our child died and you were alone. I wasn't there to protect either of you."

"Azriel." She breathed my name, the word flowing off her tongue like a haunting melody, "That wasn't your fault."

"But it was my job to keep you safe. I knew I was your mate, it was my duty." My voice cracked, "It was my child."

She said nothing, just stepped closer. My arms wrapped around her, her hands running in soothing circles up and down my back. It wasn't enough to stop the way my body shook.

"And now it's like you don't care what happens to you, like you know that we will survive if you die and so you're just reckless with your life." Traitorous tears slipped from my eyes, "It's not just bruises. I know you are aware of how strong Nesta's power is, of what it is. I know you felt it sucking the life out of you, because I felt it too. And I couldn't fucking breathe, Leur. The last time I felt that feeling I found your headless body in the woods."