A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

23: Eclipse

Azriel

506 years ago

Utterly covered in filth, running on nothing but adrenaline, broken bones and bleeding, but we had made it.

My wings were screaming at my back, my legs barely keeping me upright, but my hand had touched the onyx monolith at the top of Ramiel. We had been the first, and the victory was so sweet. Bastard borns and a half-Illyrian, just proved them all wrong. My heart was pounding in my chest, a healer already running for us. Nobody was cheering, most of the camp in utter shock. I didn't care, couldn't care. All I could think about was her. My eyes were darting around wildly, searching. I pushed through the crowd that had gathered, watching them clear in my path. My bound wings and the silence of my shadows could wait, the victory celebration could wait, I needed to see her. That familiar scent I had dreamed of for nearly a week was lingering here, calling me closer, and I was helpless to stop myself as I ran towards the scent of lavender and spice.

Leuruna.

The only thing that had kept me going, kept me fighting. As my body failed me, as my bones were breaking, as I was freezing in the cold, as the beasts were hunting us- it was her name that had echoed in my head. I had never let myself admit it, just how much I loved her, needed her. But then I was deep in the mountains, fighting for my life and my brothers, running alone in the cruel, unforgiving wilderness. Then, she was so far away. I could not hear her through the shadows, had no trace of the warmth she brought in my chest. Then, night had fallen and I was alone in the darkness again. It had crushed me, stripped me bare of all the strength I thought I possessed, all that training and hours spent in preparation had disappeared, and I was that weak little boy again hidden away in an abyss.

But it was her. The memory of her voice, the way a melody sounded on her lips, the picture of her face in my mind; her, who had filled me with strength. It was her who had held my hand and made me into a warrior again. It was her name that had been on my lips as my hand touched the monolith. I felt that power rush through me, saw the blinding flash of light, and every moment of my suffering had been for her. For the first time in my life, I felt worthy.

And I loved her.

I loved her so much I ached with it. Longed for her with every moment I had been gone, and I did not possess the strength anymore to deny it. I could not go on pretending like every beat of my heart wasn't for her, my twin shadowsinger, my star in the endless night.

I was steps away from the cabin now. I could hear the faint sound of voices inside, something like crying, and her scent was so strong in my nose that I could taste it. She was so close, seconds away, a few more steps and I'd be at the door. What would I do when I saw her, what would I say? Could I stop the words from pouring out of my mouth?

I loved her.

I loved her.

I loved her.

It felt so good to finally admit it, even if it was only in my head. My heart sang for her, like a grand symphony, beating drums calling out her name. Every moment, since that first day she had burst into the cabin on a winter wind, every moment I had loved her. I had loved her with every torn scrap of myself, let it piece me back together, let it make me anew into the man I grew to be. I had loved her through the bad and the good and everything in between as we grew up- and now I had finally admitted it. My feet were bounding up the cobblestone pathway to the cabin door, misted wind blowing on my face in the dusky sky. Closer and closer, moments away, two more steps and I'd be in the door. My heart was pounding, sound drowning out of my ears, my entire body shaking with anticipation. Racing towards my home, towards all the good in the world, towards-