A Court of Secrets and Moonlight

3: Ruins

Rhysand

It was never a secret that Azriel loved my sister. Not from the day I had brought him into that cabin, and I watched his shadows curl with hers. Not as we grew up, and I watched him watch her with light in his eyes. Not during the war, as they both served my father. Not after, even as everyone assumed there was something between him and Mor.

Not on the day she died, when I heard him scream and sob over her dead body.

And not even in the years since, that pain had never faded. No matter if we never spoke of it, of her, of what they could have been. No matter if he clung onto Mor, and we all knew why.

She was the closest thing left to Leur.

I could see it every time I looked at him, his broken heart and shattered soul. The day she died, she took most of him with her.

And I knew it, but I still didn't expect my heart to crack the way it did as he called for her in his sleep.

It was a simple mumble, and if I had been doing anything else I would have missed it. But I had taken up residence at his bedside for the time being as the healers still worked on Cassian, and I couldn't bear to look at his shredded wings a moment longer.

So, I sat next to Azriel's bed, watching the hole in his chest slowly repair itself. And I knew, that even when the skin healed and the scars faded, that hole would still be there. And then he called out for her, still in the haze of sleep, and I couldn't remember the last time I had heard her name on his lips.

I couldn't remember the last time anyone had said her name, in fact.

Not a day went by when I didn't think of her, of my mother. I could hear their voices in my head clear as day still, could remember the way my mother used to scold me and Cassian, could hear the way Leur would snicker in the background as she pretended as if she didn't make the mess me and Cass were blamed for. So many memories of that cabin, of the war, of watching my sister slowly die as my father sent her on more and more missions, of watching my mother beg and plead with him not to let us on the battlefields.

It was so vivid in my mind, and yet, I never said her name.

I don't think I had since the day she died.

It was odd, being so caught up in this old pain when the new one threatened to overwhelm me. Mor could barely even look at me, not since I had revealed that Feyre was High Lady. I was sure the second that Cassian woke up, he'd wipe the floor with me for allowing her out of my sight. And my mate was in the middle of enemy territory, and if I thought about it too long I was sure I might fall to pieces.

So instead, I sat and watched Azriel sleep and tried to remember the last time I'd said my sister's name.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I felt that mating bond pull tight in my chest.

Feyre

My body sang for her, my every bone and muscle relaxing as I felt her on the other side of that bond. It was like a glimmering, shining, string, pulled tight. My mind purred as I traveled along it, as close as I dared, and just beyond the incomprehensible horizon I could feel... happiness?

She was happy?

Perhaps hopeful was a better word, but how could she feel that way after everything she sacrificed, after everything that had occurred today? Her sisters, Azriel, Cassian, and Tamlin had drug her away- and she was hopeful?

It only lasted a moment, and then I could feel the bond move, as if it was being loaded with something, some message, some memory, and something in my chest gleaned in anticipation. I felt Feyre so close, and in my bones I knew she had good news to share with me.